Work related stress

[bibbju]

Thank you, bibbju. I'll give them a call.

Yes, please do as they can really help. I know they see a LOT of people going through similar work related issues. Hardly surprising given the working culture in HK and the additional pressure it can bring. My own experience of work sanctioned doctors is that they're as much use as chocolate teapots when it comes to anything more than "doctor, I've a sore throat, can I have 8 types of medication please?" Mental healthcare seems to be a long way behind the US / UK (Chinese solution seems to be pop pills and eventually jump off a building if it gets too bad). It took me ages to find a practice like Central Health (I tried quite a few work sanctioned doctors and have some appalling stories) and it was an absolute blessing to find Sarah and Susan. They will definitely be able to help your other half.

[nassaugirl]

Please tell him to quit. I had similar issues with a job and it culminated in stomach ulcers and ill health. Once I left the job, I got better fast. I did also actually leave the whole industry, which may not be an option for him.

[Azuremain]

Health first. If the job makes you sick, you can't work anyway. So, pro-actively change your situation or resign.

[MovingIn07]

I'm not sure I would quit straight off. It really depends on what is causing the stress - some stressors can be fixed and some may be much more manageable if it's all put into perspective by a professional. At the end of the day, no JOB stresses us. It's our own reaction to the job that's the problem. You CAN just walk away at the end of the day and forget about it until tomorrow - it's just a choice not to, to worry about what people think, to worry you will get fired if you leave early etc etc etc. Make better choices and learn to manage your own reaction to them.

[z754103]

Encourage him to start job hunting ASAP. Definitely worth spending time on that:
1. A lot easier to change jobs when you're still employed.
2. Can redress the psychological power balance.
3. Can restore sense of perspective, or even restore damaged ego.

The times I worked for abusive bosses, I found job interviews very de-stressing. They allowed me to see I always had an escape hatch. The types of conversations I had during interviews also reminded me I was pretty good at what I do, and 'neutralised' the bullying coming my way at work. It was very pleasant to be wooed after by professional peers after getting stepped on for 14 hours + a day and most weekends.

Is he able to get enough exercise? That's my back up bad boss antidote when potential jobs are few and far between.

Good luck!

[jimbo]

Original Post Deleted

Couldn't agree more!

My previous manager saw me as a threat and knew that I knew she's out of her depth.

She belittled me in front of colleagues, Constantly tried to micromanage me. Disciplined me for being one minute late.

I left the firm almost 3 months ago and to this day she's still making negative comments about me to my former colleagues.

[MovingIn07]

Couldn't agree more!

My previous manager saw me as a threat and knew that I knew she's out of her depth.

She belittled me in front of colleagues, Constantly tried to micromanage me. Disciplined me for being one minute late.

I left the firm almost 3 months ago and to this day she's still making negative comments about me to my former colleagues.

My point is that the stress came from YOUR reaction to that. NOBODY can "make" you feel anything. Not happiness, not sadness, not stress. At the simplest level, you choose what you feel. I'm not saying it's EASY to choose to walk away or turn the other cheek from such awful behaviour - not at all - but professional help can allow you to see that it's THEM that's the problem, not you. I agree with the post above which said to go and have some job interviews and find out that you really are valued by others - excellent advice - it helps put all this in perspective.

The above is something I personally struggle with all the time and always have. It takes time to learn to let things go and I do envy those with the kind of placid temperament who are capable of being abused and never even batting an eyelid, but life is a lot more pleasant once you do.

But, coming back to the OP, we have no idea what is causing his stress. It might not be a local company; it might not be an abusive boss. It might simply be that he is trying to fit too much work into every day and pushing himself hard to complete the impossible. In which case, a sensible debate with management may make it obvious that nobody expects this from him and he should just slow down! Or that management thought he liked working like this and would be horrified if they realised. That's what I meant by some stressors may be managed. Without knowing, who are we to tell the guy to resign? He'll just go and do the same thing at the next job!

[pernicious]

But, coming back to the OP, we have no idea what is causing his stress. It might not be a local company; it might not be an abusive boss. It might simply be that he is trying to fit too much work into every day and pushing himself hard to complete the impossible. In which case, a sensible debate with management may make it obvious that nobody expects this from him and he should just slow down! Or that management thought he liked working like this and would be horrified if they realised. That's what I meant by some stressors may be managed. Without knowing, who are we to tell the guy to resign? He'll just go and do the same thing at the next job!

Yep. In this case a lot of it is down to how he approaches work. Unfortunately management are less than willing to see that there is a problem, they just see a really effective resource that the clients love and not an actual person drowning under the weight of taking *everything* on.

Thanks for all your replies everyone, we saw the recommended doctor at Central Health and already things are looking much more manageable.

[Grumbler]

had something similar before back in the states, but nowhere near as bad. are you married? if so, just tell him to quit if it's too much. you can support him until the next job.

also, stay positive and be very supportive. a lot of times, personality may determine how much stress you get. try to talk him into looking at things differently from before. i used to be very hard on myself and held high standards but that only made things worse since you can't do everything by yourself anyway. then moved here. different job. half the pay from before. but much less stress.

[MovingIn07]

Yep. In this case a lot of it is down to how he approaches work. Unfortunately management are less than willing to see that there is a problem, they just see a really effective resource that the clients love and not an actual person drowning under the weight of taking *everything* on.

Thanks for all your replies everyone, we saw the recommended doctor at Central Health and already things are looking much more manageable.

Thanks for the feedback. Best of luck. Sometimes an outsider just helps you see the world differently and that changes everything.