For the issue with iTunes not opening automatically when your iPhone is connected - here you go:
http://support.apple.com/kb/TS3927?v...S&locale=en_US
For the update issue - try updating your iTunes to the latest version first. Then give it a go.
For the voice control - not too sure about that - you might want to check this apple discussion thread :
https://discussions.apple.com/thread/4108445