Protecting myself against coworker's accusations

[MandM!]

I thought I had been banned from the site for standing up for myself but surprisingly I am allowed back on!

My advice is to document everything like others have suggested as I do. I tend to write/type up conversations while having them in front of people and then email our discussion to them later. Of course, it is better to have a witness. I am not sure if recording is really allowed but it will help you remember what was said. Alternatively, you can ask to record the conversation.

This type of situation happens in many workplaces around the world. The best thing is learn to be assertive. If you work in a university, there are complaint mechanisms and you can contact the Personnel Office. Personally, she sounds like a bully and I would always stand up to them.

Some co-workers try to make others’ lives miserable. Do not let them do it. I never expect anyone to support me as others are usually either too afraid of the consequences, or do not care.

I would take working there as a challenge, and a learning experience. I have found that in general some people like to put others down so they can put themselves up. This happens everywhere including on this site in my experience.

Do not let one person ruin your day. Trying to change your attitude to the situation might be the way to go.

Good luck.

This only applies to large companies with proper procedures in place. Thus an employee should fight for their right to stay employed there, hoping to get into another role or department. Most people do not work for such companies. It comes down to the company.

[tiredworkers]

There are a few potential things that might be at play here:

• -Your mistakes are making her look bad - If you're in a team and if she's the senior, the boss is likely expecting her to make sure that you're doing things right and may be blaming CW for the mistakes.
• -Culture clash - She sees you as the "new kid" who wants to try shake everything up and point out what's wrong
• -Perceived "Lack of respect" - in most Asian countries, you pay significant respect to your seniors - even if they're wrong
• -She sees you as a threat - you're younger, work faster and probably have better English skills. And then you overhaul her work and try to take over the assignments.
• -She's being racist - China and Japan don't exactly have a great history of working together...

Your boss is unlikely to try to support the new hire (you), unless he really wants to kick out CW. So your options are:

Adapt to the culture - This isn't just HK culture - it's the same in most places around the world.. Don't add to the image of I'm a hotshot trying to prove that I'm better than everyone". Politely suggest improvements (e.g. avoid "completely reworking" anything), double-check that things are ok to send, etc.

Find a startup with other people your age - The environment will be more like what you're used to from university

Manager honestly doesn't care about mistakes on the draft. I received a half-a**ed work on tuesday night, went home, learned how to use illustrator and got something half-decent done by 2 am. I did print a copy and give it to her directly for her to look at it but she didn't say anything so I sent it to the IT department since they asked and we were on a deadline to completed by the end of that day.We are both new hires. Technically, actually, I was hired before my cw by my manager. I was just still studying so I wasn't officially hired until June. I remember seeing another potential employee before meeting my cw who was hired in May.

For a real reality check, I suggest you also think about whether there are areas you can improve.

For items 1-3, if I had a junior come to be complaining about a senior about those items, my question would be "Well, is what CW says factually correct? Is there something you could have done differently to avoid such things from happening?"

I wouldn't bother spending time gathering evidence - what do you think it will achieve?

I could avoid these things from happening but not doing anything even if there's a deadline. She leaves early despite deadlines which is understandable since she has a family and she wants to take care of them. That's fine, but complaining about me making mistakes on the work I've done staying late or working at home while she's at home doesn't seem fair to me. At least accept and understand that under time constraints, mistakes are made and we need to adapt to the direction we're being made. And plus she got upset with me, when I was following orders from my manager to change things around. What am I supposed to do? Wait till my CW has time to email me back and miss the deadline? But I guess I will be doing that from now.



To add, CW sent a document with this "Any formal document produced by three of us repenetrating our team work that goes out of our internal group needs the whole team’s approval." for our team. Okay. This week I sent CW and M a document that needed to be sent to someone by Wednesday. I emailed both to ask for their approval to send it to them. no reply. How do I work functionally when 1) no one replies to my email 2) everyone is too "busy" to check my work. Nothing can get done.

[tiredworkers]

Have you had a chat with your manager about your up-tightness and your perception that your colleague is out to 'get you'?

I wasn't like this until the first incident. Now I feel very hyper aware of everything that's happening. She sits right next to me so I can hear everything. She makes these loud 'tch' sounds whenever she's mad (not just at me) and smashes her keyboard or clicks her mouse furiously. She also talks to herself loudly or bangs her cup loudly when somethings not going right. I noticed that whenever she's angry, her lips quiver and shake. Now I put on earphones while working because I can't stand to listen to all that anger she seems to have inside her. Maybe she has anger issues and she isn't trying to get at me. But maybe because i'm a junior and she's the senior, it's easier to put out her stress on me, rather than the much more qualified staff at the university with PhDs.

In front of others, mostly westerners, she acts very kind and sweet. Smiling, laughing, making jokes. She is an extrovert, unlike me, and is very friendly and approachable. I'm not sure what her work is like, as I can't read it, but she seems to have formed a great relationship with our Chinese partners. I respect her in that sense. But until she can look at the situation from another angle and recognize her shortcomings, then I don't think I can respect her in the same way as I did before. I have tried to talk to her and reason with her to no avail.

In more recent updates, I have reminded my manager about the mistake she made on the pamphlet regarding one of our partner names and the institution he is representing. I forwarded the email evidence to both M and CW to remind them of the correct institution. Mind you, I visited the partner when I visited Tokyo in September. The email chain goes like this:

Me:
Dear CW, May I confirm with you whether Prof. has sent any amendments or changes to the organization he is representing? This is the email that I remember and can find records of that both you and I received back in July.

If he has changed to "Wrong Institution", I will make corrections.

CW:
Yes, long time ago he emailed me about changing his organization to "Wrong Institution". Sorry I was not able to find his original email.

Me:
So this agreement is invalidated? There should be a new one right? And by long time, do you mean after August 1st when we received the first signed agreement? Could you please print the new agreement on Thursday. If we can't find the email, we can send a quick email to Prof.'s assistant to send us a copy. Thank you so much!

CW:
Need to double check, it's been to long. Can't remember. Prof is a professor from "Wrong Institution" is for sure.


Within the email evidence that was sent to both CW and I is this from the Prof.

"Dear CW, I think that I had sent you the revised version of our agreement. I hope that this will be done between "university" and "right institution", not "wrong institution".

"yes, I will participate on behalf of "Right Institution"."


So my interpretation from this is that CW mistrusts me so much, she won't believe me despite the hard evidence presented to her. Also, the pamphlet has already been passed around to several people with the wrong institution and the professor's name (which we did not get his permission to put on).

[Bernadette J W]

If your boss does not care about getting the work done, then maybe you should not worry about it either.

[DimSumBond]

Thank you all for you kind messages and reality checks. I'm slowly beginning to understand what work culture in Hong Kong is like.

It is not just in Hong Kong. It is everywhere and no country will be different as it relates to human nature.

You need to get lucky and land a role with a proper manager who knows how to manage rather than being a poser. It is like finding a good husband.

Good luck. Careers are a treacherous marathon. Wisen up real fast if you want to do well.

[Bernadette J W]

This only applies to large companies with proper procedures in place. Thus an employee should fight for their right to stay employed there, hoping to get into another role or department. Most people do not work for such companies. It comes down to the company.

I do not really understand your comment and wonder why you have quoted me. Anyway,
universities have complaint procedures in place.

[answerer]

I''ll give this one last shot at a reality check for you: You need to either 1)Leave 2)Re-examine/adjust your attitude/approach or 3)Both. Because the way you are headed, I wouldn't be surprised if the feedback from your manager is "Didn't follow instructions and didn't get along with colleagues"

I wasn't like this until the first incident. Now I feel very hyper aware of everything that's happening. She sits right next to me so I can hear everything. She makes these loud 'tch' sounds whenever she's mad (not just at me) and smashes her keyboard or clicks her mouse furiously. She also talks to herself loudly or bangs her cup loudly when somethings not going right. I noticed that whenever she's angry, her lips quiver and shake. Now I put on earphones while working because I can't stand to listen to all that anger she seems to have inside her. Maybe she has anger issues and she isn't trying to get at me. But maybe because i'm a junior and she's the senior, it's easier to put out her stress on me, rather than the much more qualified staff at the university with PhDs.

You seem to be spending far too much energy/time observing your co-worker. Perhaps better to focus on your own work than what she is doing / acting / and issues she might or might not be having.

In more recent updates, I have reminded my manager about the mistake she made on the pamphlet regarding one of our partner names and the institution he is representing. I forwarded the email evidence to both M and CW to remind them of the correct institution. Mind you, I visited the partner when I visited Tokyo in September. The email chain goes like this:

I suggest you re-examine whether how you're working is appropriate because from what you've said so far::

• You send email asking for approval to your manager and (only?) colleague and neither of them respond. When did you send it to them? Have you tried a different approach or asked them how they prefer to do it? e.g. Sitting down to talk to them about it?
• You don't get a response and then send things out anyway
• You resent that CW leaves early and you're working late. You work in a university? I don't think there is an expectation that there is a lot of OT
• When you make mistakes on the draft, it's unfair for CW to point out because you were working late/against a deadline. When CW makes mistakes, you spend a lot of time writing emails about it and even after the fact reminding your manager of the mistake. -> To a manager, this would give me the impression that you are being petty or even obnoxious.

In HK, I think most managers probably wouldn't tell you this directly, but based on what you've said, here's some advice for this job and future ones:

• You're not the manager. Stop trying to act like you are. You can gently remind your manager of the deadline and ask what they'd like to do, but don't take things into your own hands.
• Make sure you understand your managers' expectations - e.g. Deadlines - how important is it to them? Or is there some other consideration?
• "Change things around" doesn't mean completely re-writing someone else' work - imagine how you would feel if someone did that to your work
• Sending evidence to prove that you were "right" (especially things that have happened in the past) makes you look petty/immature - That was ok for secondary school, annoying in University but inappropriate in the workplace.
• Email is not the only way of communicating
• Focus on the quality of your work. For a junior employee, reliable, good quality work is absolutely key.

[Bernadette J W]

• You resent that CW leaves early and you're working late. You work in a university? I don't think there is an expectation that there is a lot of OT

I agree with what you say to a certain extent. However, I should just like to point out that many people who work in universities actually work a lot, sometimes up to 13 hours a day and at weekends. That is my experience and I would not call myself a slow worker! You need to teach, do service and research. I am not complaining as I have chosen to do it but not everyone can keep up the pace.

[tiredworkers]

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update.

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who responded. I realize now that I was probably way too obsessed about this issue. Others have told me that its just a job, and my first real job out of university as well. I shouldn't let it affect me personally and mentally. I stopped obsessing and have been just working on my part of the job. I only look and concentrate on what I'm doing. Yes, I'm not a manager and I'm at the very junior post so it's not my responsibility to make sure things are going smoothly. That is my senior and my managers responsibility.

Mentally, I'm much better and happier since I've taken a less anxious approach to things. However, there are certain things that still bother me though. For example, sending emails that are very to-the-point and having them opened by my coworker but she doesn't read it properly or respond despite me asking her. I have talked to her a few times only for urgent matters. Or how despite being in a team, feeling left out on many things and having no clue what's going on at all. I also came to a realization that I'm pretty much replaceable and it would be harder for my manager to replace my coworker due to her language skills (Chinese) and the project focus mainly being China.

Today I was asked if I wanted to extend my contract into a more permanent position and whether I would take up more admin work. I told my manager I needed time to think. Another thing that someone told me was that my manager was pushing responsibility onto me so that she didn't have to do as much work or paperwork to hire someone else to do the admin work.

I don't feel like I'm in a team or belong to one. I don't like the fact that we've also stopped communicating. I've barely had a conversation with my coworker or manager in the past month. I don't like how messy things are with the management of this project. I really don't care if my manager has other projects or have too much things to handle. That's not my responsibility and it's affecting my work and the project.

I will stay for a year. I will do my job but I will move onto something else. I feel that this is a sinking ship, or a not-so-important side project to work on for my coworker and manager as they've already established a career or have family to take care of. For me, this job was supposed to help me move forward in my career as I'm just starting to build it. I won't learn anything new or useful if I stay here. I have been looking for jobs and have been taking note. while its a bit too soon to apply, I'll being preparing over the holidays.

Thanks!

[hullexile]

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update.

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who responded. I realize now that I was probably way too obsessed about this issue. Others have told me that its just a job, and my first real job out of university as well. I shouldn't let it affect me personally and mentally. I stopped obsessing and have been just working on my part of the job. I only look and concentrate on what I'm doing. Yes, I'm not a manager and I'm at the very junior post so it's not my responsibility to make sure things are going smoothly. That is my senior and my managers responsibility.

Mentally, I'm much better and happier since I've taken a less anxious approach to things. However, there are certain things that still bother me though. For example, sending emails that are very to-the-point and having them opened by my coworker but she doesn't read it properly or respond despite me asking her. I have talked to her a few times only for urgent matters. Or how despite being in a team, feeling left out on many things and having no clue what's going on at all. I also came to a realization that I'm pretty much replaceable and it would be harder for my manager to replace my coworker due to her language skills (Chinese) and the project focus mainly being China.

Today I was asked if I wanted to extend my contract into a more permanent position and whether I would take up more admin work. I told my manager I needed time to think. Another thing that someone told me was that my manager was pushing responsibility onto me so that she didn't have to do as much work or paperwork to hire someone else to do the admin work.

I don't feel like I'm in a team or belong to one. I don't like the fact that we've also stopped communicating. I've barely had a conversation with my coworker or manager in the past month. I don't like how messy things are with the management of this project. I really don't care if my manager has other projects or have too much things to handle. That's not my responsibility and it's affecting my work and the project.

I will stay for a year. I will do my job but I will move onto something else. I feel that this is a sinking ship, or a not-so-important side project to work on for my coworker and manager as they've already established a career or have family to take care of. For me, this job was supposed to help me move forward in my career as I'm just starting to build it. I won't learn anything new or useful if I stay here. I have been looking for jobs and have been taking note. while its a bit too soon to apply, I'll being preparing over the holidays.

Thanks!

I think you have learned some useful things. Not to fret over things you can't control at work, what bad teamwork feels like, how backstabbing academia can be, what sort of manager you dislike.. you can learn more from bad experiences than good ones. You also need to continue to reflect on your own bwhaviour and attitudes though.