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How should I deal with discrimination from my boss?

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  1. #31

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    I would imagine that they would be clenching their fat, flabby paws into fists in self righteous anger then go running when the other party throws a pretty hard punch.

    I had a Belgian boss who was exactly like this. He soon left and then the department morale soon lifted. We were mostly women, btw.

  2. #32

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    Quite shocking that a being like you has been able to mate and reproduce. lol

  3. #33

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    I come from an age when this was just normal behaviour. My Mum tells stories of much worse... Being chased around a Christmas party by a boss who wanted to grope her while she was pregnant! My approach was to just ignore it. But I don't any more; now I call it out. But I'm senior enough to be able to. I tried to help a mid level Australian we had hired last year (sounds just like you) who was bullied by one of our Partners. I failed to gain any traction with the other (male, American and previously I had thought non sexist) Partner. She ended up leaving. It was shocking and is one reason I sold out shortly after. I wish she hadn't left... It would have been easier to fight her corner if she had too... But I can see why she did. There is no right answer. Silly talk at a party probably best ignored; watch more closely bonus and promotion decision and if they have a sexist theme, keep all your evidence and go hard with a complaint to HR and then to the Equal opportunity commission.


  4. #34

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    It seems wrong to me that a man in power behaves badly, yet some advice is for the OP to change *her* behavior to adapt to his.

    As uncomfortableas it is and while in certain businesses it may mean harming the OPs career, I think we should always call it out to those poorly behaved people. I do, and the awkward shock wave can bring on an even worse storm from these types. Do be careful, but know that there's some of us out there applauding you when you make it clear that behavior is unappreciated and unacceptable. Many of your colleagues may also be grateful. It generally sounds like it's not a good culture under this guy, so maybe do look how you can move on with time... I think life's too short to put up with unhealthy work environments.

    The views can be dated here,and in some of the work I do, I'm surprised by some comments that randomly come up in generic conversations ("the man has to be the head of the household because he's the one earning the family's income" )

    I don't think the culture can change if we don't make it clear what's inappropriate.

    (Once I called out a man for saying "stupid woman" who did something that was kind of his fault; he quickly started ranting to me to mind my business and the local receptionist apologized to him. :/ )


  5. #35

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coolboy:
    We don't actually know what the OP's boss is like...
    Or what else was said. We don't know if he made boomer style jokes about the older employees, jokes about the attitudes of job functions, jokes about himself etc. And we don't know if one night of poor workplace jokes that were OK in another era or country represents the culture in the office.

  6. #36

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    I would take a look at the discrimination policy at work for this one.

    On the one hand I come from an age where this was the office norm.

    On the other I now work for a company where not only is discrimination frowned upon but there is a strong policy in place where someone files a complaint. In the event it is not upheld it cannot be used against the complainant (salary, promotion, bonus etc).

    It is hard for me to change the working habits of a lifetime and even harder for my middle of the road upbringing when it comes to those tricky areas around sexuality and the workplace and I make no apologies for some of my personal thoughts around those but I’d much rather work for the company I do now than others where discrimination, harassment etc are accepted working culture

    in short there is no one answer to this question. If the OPs work culture is stuck somewhere between the 80s and now then I would say bite your tongue, wait for the job market for an opportunity to move then get a new job. If the culture is much more supportive don’t jump in yet at the deep end. Have a discussion with HR in the first instance and then take things from there.

    East_coast and Happyeverafter like this.

  7. #37

    I am grateful for all of those who have shared your opinions and stories. My story is probably mild compare to what others have gone through, and I am sorry that this have to happen to anyone.

    I apologize if I sounded whiny or angry. I was caught in the moment. And yes it's not like I have been sexually assaulted or harassed, or even raped, like in the Weinstein cases, but that doesn't make the person's behaviour ethically acceptable.

    Some of you had advice me to look deeper into the corporate structure. Come to think of it, the female employees in the company mostly held positions like administration or secretaries. While management level or higher are almost exclusively all male.

    When I first joined the company, I have heard rumors from other colleagues that the annual Christmas party draws are based on the attractiveness of female employees. While I have heard the same peraon complaining to his secretary for not agreeing to eat out with him after work. I guess there have been some red flags I have chosen to ignore because of the better pay and benefits, or future prospects the company had offer.

    The company however is quite well known in the industry. I am still starting out in Hong Kong, and do not hope to sabotage my career by simply quiting or making a scene. I applaud those who stand up for themselves and dislike myself for being weak by putting up with this. But like some said I should pick my own battles, and this is not one I could win.

    I think I will stay in the company for long enough to build up a better resume while keeping a look out for better opportunities. Maybe DM me if any of you know one? In need of a friend


  8. #38

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    In my opinion you have nothing to apologize for and whatever decision you make about your career is your own. It does sound like a somewhat toxic workplace for ladies and I'm repeating myself but please protect yourself by quietly documenting events you find unacceptable in case something more serious happens.

    I also think most people have to suffer a bit earlier in their career in order to get where you are going so you shouldn't feel bad about not rattling the cage, the senior management that enable and tacitly accept antiquated behaviors are far more at fault than you will ever be.

    Happyeverafter and jimbo like this.

  9. #39

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happyeverafter:
    I am grateful for all of those who have shared your opinions and stories. My story is probably mild compare to what others have gone through, and I am sorry that this have to happen to anyone.

    I apologize if I sounded whiny or angry. I was caught in the moment. And yes it's not like I have been sexually assaulted or harassed, or even raped, like in the Weinstein cases, but that doesn't make the person's behaviour ethically acceptable.

    Some of you had advice me to look deeper into the corporate structure. Come to think of it, the female employees in the company mostly held positions like administration or secretaries. While management level or higher are almost exclusively all male.

    When I first joined the company, I have heard rumors from other colleagues that the annual Christmas party draws are based on the attractiveness of female employees. While I have heard the same peraon complaining to his secretary for not agreeing to eat out with him after work. I guess there have been some red flags I have chosen to ignore because of the better pay and benefits, or future prospects the company had offer.

    The company however is quite well known in the industry. I am still starting out in Hong Kong, and do not hope to sabotage my career by simply quiting or making a scene. I applaud those who stand up for themselves and dislike myself for being weak by putting up with this. But like some said I should pick my own battles, and this is not one I could win.

    I think I will stay in the company for long enough to build up a better resume while keeping a look out for better opportunities. Maybe DM me if any of you know one? In need of a friend
    You have nothing to apologise for, and reading further, it seems as though this guy is displaying some potentially predatory behaviour. How the company handles this if it gets really serious is on them, but keep your focus on your work and stay classy. I've suffered predatory behaviour, sexist and derogatory comments and xenophobia in the workplace. I kept my focus on my work and ignored them, showing mere pity on my face. However, I do recommend that you keep notes on this behaviour and what is going on, as Aramis suggests, and keep private ( definitely not on a work computer file nor at work) . As long as you are not affected, stay in the company to gain work experience and build up your resume, but quietly do some networking in the meantime.

  10. #40

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    You’re going about it the right way.
    Keep your head down and get on with your work, In the meantime network and get to know people working for other firms.

    It’s a small world out there in finance and people tend to know of each other pretty quickly.

    If you have certain firms on your CV people will know that you can deal with stress etc.

    Certain firms in HK have a very toxic environment unfortunately one global firm is renowned for it, I’ve refused opportunities there because I’d already left one toxic environment and really didn’t want to jump into another.


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