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Workplace bullying by manager

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  1. #11

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    Lol I took an online certificate course on this subject from Chinese University while going through it at work..

    I was also up against someone much older and more "experienced". She was at the job for 20 years while I was the newbie. She was constantly belittling and insulting me. We had many many disagreements - even a simple conversation would make her blow up but she would spin it around to say that it was my fault for making her pissed off. She was affecting my level of work and I was getting unhappy and depressed. I even dreaded going to the office so that's when I knew I had to quit. I handed in my resignation letter one day and said adios and never looked back!


  2. #12

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    Not that it is unique to the HK workplace by any means (as posters here already mentioned from their own experience elsewhere), but OP's issue does seem to be an especially common occurrence here.

    There are some workplace strategies to handle difficult colleagues and bosses. But that can only go so far in an environment where such conduct, even if it is not officially condoned, seems to be implicitly tolerated.

    Elsewhere there are at least policies to tackle workplace bullying or employees can even claim compensation for it in some cases. But here? It's the law of the jungle.

    I don't have any solutions, but one wonders how much it drags down productivity and innovation in HK when otherwise competent and hardworking employees are driven out by these power games.

    travelonbudget likes this.

  3. #13

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    Mar 2012
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    Talk to your managers Manager about how you feel and how you are treated. Works most of the times.
    Secondly, yes it is time to leave.

    Coolboy and travelonbudget like this.

  4. #14

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    Whilst you look for another job and follow the other advice offered, I'd say detach personal comments from work specific comments.

    1) Understand that work environments are not A-personal. i.e. many people have sexual relationships and meet their spouses through work. There is no law that says that personal lives can't be intertwined with work lives, so when she try's to bring your personal life and your personal characteristics into the fray, don't be shocked - don't even react, don't care, don't change your expression, don't acknowledge the comments, just ignore it - see it for what it is -a psychological technique.

    When you used the word shocked to describe your reaction to something she said it was an immediate red flag to me that you're reacting emotionally to something that can just as easily be completely ignored - stop being shocked at anything EVER, it's a worthless emotion and only shows that you're inexperienced. The ability to be shocked is touching in the innocence that it betrays, but really it's hindering you not helping you.

    2) REPEAT: Tell yourself your manager is going to attempt to belittle you by attacking you personally, so expect it, constantly. This only really has any power if you let it. Stop caring about personal comments, it simply doesn't matter if you choose it not to.

    3) watch the movie 'Office Space' for a little insight (just a little) into how not caring can be very liberating.

    4) Cultivate a thick skin, by doing all of the above, smile, laugh, give as good as you get, don't be a door mat and don't think that you can't be nonchalant and irreverent and disconnected just because she's your manager. But mostly just ignore personal attacks like you were incapable of hearing them. If you stop reacting she will eventually stop making them....unless there is a real professional reason why they are being made.

    5) Keep this question and variations of it handy in response to a personal attack: "What has this got to do with ..........? (the piece of work your currently working on)". If she pauses trying to think of how to respond, immediately say "good, that's that settled then" and immediately walk away. If she immediately tears into you, wait until she's finished, then say "I don't agree" and immediately walk away.

    6) When it comes to work related conversation, be professional, funny, engaging, open and friendly. As soon as she makes personal (not professional, personal) attacks, ignore her/immediately lose interest in the conversation/walk away.

    You're going to imagine her like a puppy or a toddler that needs training, you reward good behaviour and ignore bad.

    Stick to this. Give it 2 months then re-assess.


  5. #15

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    I have seen this happen numerous times throughout my career with big firms, and at multiple locations too. HR is BS. They are not there bringing in money to the firm/company. They will toe the line to "save" their face.

    Some of what you're experiencing could be due to the lack of career growth for the lady herself. If there's a huge gap (25 years?) between the two of you and there are people senior to her (senior managers), it seems she has not been able to keep pace with the corporate ladder. This starts reflecting in people's behaviour, as she looks at you (and others) as a threat to her job. She is in a way trying to hide her inability to bring in more money/promotion etc. by being nasty in a professional way to people around her.

    I would say keep your conversations to a minimum and work related. Moving to another company might be good only if there is career growth for you there. If your job involves having an internal network of people in different regions/offices, moving to another company would require building that base from scratch. And you don't know if there would be someone like her (or worse) in the new place.

    You are here for a career. Don't let someone's demeaning behaviour ruin it. Keep it professional and excel at your work. Your work will show the difference. Nothing she can do to stop you. Although you would need to be more assertive in your work and discussions with other teams. People will notice it. However, if you feel this is affecting you really badly and there's no growth path here, consider a move. Hope it works out for you.

    shri, travelonbudget and Coolboy like this.

  6. #16

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    Look up at narcissistic personality disorder, your boss probably has it. Mine has for sure!

    Don't use HR, they're paid to defend the company not you. There is no winning this battle just find a way out. I've worked with massive assholes and when you look back to it, it's not worth it.


  7. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by fullmetaljacket:
    I have seen this happen numerous times throughout my career with big firms, and at multiple locations too. HR is BS. They are not there bringing in money to the firm/company. They will toe the line to "save" their face.

    Some of what you're experiencing could be due to the lack of career growth for the lady herself. If there's a huge gap (25 years?) between the two of you and there are people senior to her (senior managers), it seems she has not been able to keep pace with the corporate ladder. This starts reflecting in people's behaviour, as she looks at you (and others) as a threat to her job. She is in a way trying to hide her inability to bring in more money/promotion etc. by being nasty in a professional way to people around her.

    I would say keep your conversations to a minimum and work related. Moving to another company might be good only if there is career growth for you there. If your job involves having an internal network of people in different regions/offices, moving to another company would require building that base from scratch. And you don't know if there would be someone like her (or worse) in the new place.

    You are here for a career. Don't let someone's demeaning behaviour ruin it. Keep it professional and excel at your work. Your work will show the difference. Nothing she can do to stop you. Although you would need to be more assertive in your work and discussions with other teams. People will notice it. However, if you feel this is affecting you really badly and there's no growth path here, consider a move. Hope it works out for you.
    Ever since our first conflict I have kept my distance. I have learned to stop telling her anything else about my private life. I make generic comments and make sure to smile and be cordial. It was difficult but it worked for a while. I honestly think moving to a different job will only be helpful for my career. I thought this job would teach me new skills as a fresh graduate, but it ended up me having to self-learn new skills on my own time and training my senior staff (including my manager) these skills. I feel bored at my job as my ideas end up being ignored or the credit is taken away from me by manager and I usually just end up being a technical support for my manager who lacks basic computer skills. Also, she blocks me and my coworkers from getting any further training except for herself. That's why I feel she can only resort to call me names or demeaning my personality. She knows I have the proper skillset and the ability to pick up new ones very quickly.

    Honestly, I think the thing that upsets me the most is not her demeaning comments towards me but her deliberate actions to involve other senior people, especially those who I have briefly worked with and where I thought I gave a positive impression. I hope they don't start thinking of me in a negative way - that I'm a trouble maker, don't know how to work in a team and cause conflict - but I also don't know what my manager is telling them. She makes sure to pull out the names of the people that matter to me and say "I've told so-and-so that about it and they agree with me".

    Thank you to everyone who has commented and have shared their experiences. I didn't expect that these experiences were so prevalent in the workplace. I will try to search for another job and in the meantime I will try to have a more positive attitude and be compliant to my manager to make my life a bit easier. Hopefully I can report back with better news.

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by travelonbudget:
    Ever since our first conflict I have kept my distance. I have learned to stop telling her anything else about my private life. I make generic comments and make sure to smile and be cordial. It was difficult but it worked for a while. I honestly think moving to a different job will only be helpful for my career. I thought this job would teach me new skills as a fresh graduate, but it ended up me having to self-learn new skills on my own time and training my senior staff (including my manager) these skills. I feel bored at my job as my ideas end up being ignored or the credit is taken away from me by manager and I usually just end up being a technical support for my manager who lacks basic computer skills. Also, she blocks me and my coworkers from getting any further training except for herself. That's why I feel she can only resort to call me names or demeaning my personality. She knows I have the proper skillset and the ability to pick up new ones very quickly.

    Honestly, I think the thing that upsets me the most is not her demeaning comments towards me but her deliberate actions to involve other senior people, especially those who I have briefly worked with and where I thought I gave a positive impression. I hope they don't start thinking of me in a negative way - that I'm a trouble maker, don't know how to work in a team and cause conflict - but I also don't know what my manager is telling them. She makes sure to pull out the names of the people that matter to me and say "I've told so-and-so that about it and they agree with me".

    Thank you to everyone who has commented and have shared their experiences. I didn't expect that these experiences were so prevalent in the workplace. I will try to search for another job and in the meantime I will try to have a more positive attitude and be compliant to my manager to make my life a bit easier. Hopefully I can report back with better news.


    I was once berated at an interview because I refused to talk about where my parents live ( I immigrated here 10 years ago). Apparently it's rude to tell interviewers that your personal life has no bearing on the job for which you are interviewing.

    I ended up working there, it was like working in a nursery full of adults. Bickering in the form of "bants" was common between the office manager and some other male member of staff who thankfully was rarely there. The owners were a married couple and thought nothing of arguing aloud which if you were working towards a deadline was always pleasant. Apparently the consensus was "It's imperative that you act like an adult, but we don't have to."

  9. #19

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    Oct 2012
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    I once had a similar experience. I wondered if it's the same person.

    Best to move on. If it makes you feel better you could write a professional letter to senior management as you're walking out the door, outlining her unprofessional behavior.
    These things can really drag you down, even for years, make yourself stronger and successful. Don't dwell on it.


  10. #20

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    Feb 2019
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elegiaque:
    Best to move on. If it makes you feel better you could write a professional letter to senior management as you're walking out the door, outlining her unprofessional behavior.
    I think this is a bad idea.

    Although it might give you some very short term satisfaction, there is literally no long term upside for you in doing this and it could easily come back to haunt your career later.