World Cup Cricket A, B, C's

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  1. #1

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    World Cup Cricket A, B, C's

    Appeal
    A 3,000-decibel scream (h-o-w-z-z-a-t with the *! #~! silent) enquiring whether the batsman is out made by the bowler and fielders to overcome the incurable deafness prevalent among umpires.

    Ball
    A ball (what else?), it has a case for abuse ? it is thrown around by bowlers and fielders, and smacked by batsman. Er, its seam is also fingered and saliva is applied to it but, for some strange reason, that?s not called foreplay, but tampering.

    Batter
    A player holding a bat to strike the ball, he runs back and forth between two sets of stumps, refusing to go anywhere else. So as not to be confused with the mix of milk, eggs and butter used to make pastries, or an extreme act of violence, he is also called ?batsman? .

    Bouncer
    A short-pitched ball delivered by a pacer, it rises sharply after pitching and may cause the batsman to take evasive action unless he is a hooker. Basically a waste of time because, at nightclubs, a similarly-named ball-less gent of intimidating physique produces a similar effect on men who mistake female company there for hookers.

    Bowler
    A foolish player who repeatedly runs in and turns his arm over to send the ball to the batsman so that he can hit it. He also wastes energy by screaming ?howzzat? (and *! #~!) at the umpire from time to time. The saving grace: he is the only professional, apart from the gynaecologist, to specialise in deliveries.

    Box
    A mandatory protective case used to tightly guard the most important part of the batsman?s anatomy so that he does not focus on any extracurricular activity while batting. Endorsed by former Australian player Shane Warne.

    Bye
    A clever way of scoring a run with the ball missing the batsman?s bat and pads, and the wicketkeeper missing the ball. Also, the last word heard by the captain from a fielder in a tearing hurry who has had spicy red curry for lunch.

    Century
    Nothing more than 100 runs scored by a batsman in one innings followed by 100 minutes of kissing his helmet and raising the bat, and then 100 minutes of I-want-to-thank blah-blah after play is over. According to the American definition, however, a century is the average length of a Test match. For the British, it is the average length of a Geoff Boycott innings.

    Chinaman
    Usually a ball bowled by a leftarm slow bowler that turns into the right-hand batsman (in effect, a left-arm legspinner). Even more usually, it refers to a short man of pale complexion from Asia who eats with chopsticks, speaks with an endearing accent and is wide-eyed even without having somebody explain cricket to him.

    Chucker
    A bowler who uses the illegal means of throwing the ball by bending his elbow, thus causing the umpire to say: what the ***** (the five stars are for c-h-u-c-k and not what you were thinking). According to true lies, Indian off-spinner Harbhajan Singh mastered the art thanks to repeated exhortations of ?chuck de? from his Punjabi brethren.

    Cricket
    A game played with bat and ball between two sides of 11 by day, and the perfect excuse to wear coloured pyjamas in floodlight-illuminated public view at night. Although an accepted term in the countries that it is played in, it is in constant dispute with an insect belonging to the family Gryllidae, which alleges it?s (the game?s) not cricket.

    Dead ball
    The past tense of alive ball, it meets such a fate on account of being a handful for the bowler and fielders and such a source of irritation for the batsman that he thwacks it with his bat. As a mark of respect to the departed soul-less soul, the umpire observes five seconds? silence and crosses and uncrosses his wrists below the belt with the call ?dead ball? .

    Drive
    A shot played with a vertical bat on either side of the pitch. Please note: due to a slightly different interpretation of the term by the traffic cops, batsmen are forced to wear helmets.

    Extra
    A run not scored by the batsman but credited to the total by way of a bye, leg-bye, wide or no-ball. Deemed unnecessary; e.g. Jagmohan Dalmiya in Indian cricket.

    Flick
    A Hollywood, Bollywood movie or the suffix of movies showing big boys playing at night in coloured un-clothing. When that is not the case, it is a stroke played to the leg-side with a whipping action.

    Glance
    What a fielder positioned near the boundary line does in the direction of PYTs in the stands, and what a batsman too lazy to move to his left and drive a delivery does by angling his bat to send the ball behind his backside.

    Googly
    A ball delivered by a leg-spinner that turns from left to right (off to on) but with an action that indicates just the opposite. Also, the missing cousin of Google that nobody has seen, it is the search engine used to find information on Crickety ? please don?t ask y that is the case.

    Hook
    Fornication for monetary compensation; but since that is not exactly legal in a game played by gents, it also means a cross-batted shot to the onside executed against a bouncer.

    Inswing
    The aerial deviation of a ball prior to pitching from left to right (off to on). Depending on the position of the shiny side of the ball and its seam, the ball may also curve from right to left (on to off) in which case it is called outswing. If all this sounds like rocket science, that?s because it is. And no, for those so inclined, bowlers ? unlike the leather balls they use ? don?t swing both ways at the same time.

    Jaffa
    If you know your onions, it?s an unplayable delivery that leaves the batsman not being able to pop the bowler?s cherry (ball). But if you?ve gone bananas trying to figure out what cricket is all about, it?s a nearly seedless variety of orange that draws its name from the city of Jaffa in Israel.

    Kitbag
    A large bag in which cricketers keep their bats, balls, pads, gloves and other equipment while Shane Warne keeps transcontinental directories of nurses, models and strippers.

    LBW
    Stands for Leg Before Wicket ? a mode of dismissal wherein the ball hits the batsman?s pads and the umpire feels that the ball would have gone on to hit the stumps. Also stands for Large Beautiful Women, the kind usually spotted at Twenty20 games and Shane Warne?s flat in Hampshire.

    Leg-bye
    A run scored when the batsman cross over after a delivery hits the pads but not the bat. Could also be the result of a damaging leg-break.

    Leg-break
    The stock ball of a leg-spinner, it turns from right to left after pitching. Currently though, it is Australia?s official team invective for New Zealand batsmen.

    Leg-cutter
    A delivery bowled by a pace bowler, it moves from right to left (on to off) after pitching. Updated definition also incorporates the term?s usage in medical parlance, and refers to instrument whose use leads to leg-bye.

    Leg-stump
    The third stump from the left when a right handed batsman is at the crease and, obviously, what is left for the batsman referred to after a deadly leg-break results in a leg-bye .

    Misfield
    Daughter of Mr Field. Alternatively, when a fielder fails to field the ball cleanly.

    Non-striker
    Obviously, a Gandhigiriabiding pacifist. Anyway, since he is at the other end of the pitch when the bowler delivers the ball, this non-violent batsman is in no position to strike the ball.

    Nightwatchman
    Refers to either a chowkidar or a Swiss timekeeper on the graveyard shift. Sometimes, when a batsman is out with little time left for close of play, a non specialist batsman seeking alternative employment as described walks out and performs the job.

    No ball
    Illogically, when the bowler oversteps the crease while delivering the ball and an extra run is credited to the batting side. Logically, when everybody is ready to play but nobody has remembered to bring the ball.

    Not out
    A boring night at home. But, for some reason, batsmen don?t like getting out.

    Off-break
    The stock ball of an off-spinner, it turns from left to right (off to on) after pitching. Actually a misnomer, especially on a breezy day, when it breaks nothing but wind on its way across the pitch.

    Over
    The sum of the six balls sent down by the bowler to the batsman. Please note: if a bowler bowls a maiden over, he will not be banned from the game for inappropriate behaviour towards female fans; rather, he will get a pat on the back for not conceding any runs off his, er, six balls.

    Pacer
    A bowler who comes hard and fast and releases at quick speed. What?s more, he is capable of variations as, apart from his fastballs, he has a slower ball too.

    Pull
    What you need to get into the Indian team. Or, an attacking shot played to the leg-side.

    Pitch
    The 22-yard strip between the two sets of stumps. Unreliable, as it tends to behave the way it wants to ? by turning, bouncing or playing dead ? much like a similar sounding word.

    Quick single
    A choice of lifestyle used as an excuse by men who want to be free to play exciting games with members of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, when batsmen follow this fast lifestyle, all they get is one run for the effort, and only members of the same sex get excited. Rubber A match played as part of a series with adherence to a WHO-suggested measure for safe sex.

    Run
    An act completed by batsmen running past each other to reach the other end of the pitch. One run is scored each time the batsmen complete this exercise. Also, what a Pakistani player called Inzamam-ul Haq is unlikely to do twice in 15 minutes.

    Reverse sweep
    The reverse stroke of that employed in the sweep (see below) so that cricket remains a dust-free, environment-friendly game.

    Silly point
    A fielder whose lack of brains and high hopes of taking a catch see him stationed on the offside just a few feet away from the batsman. Also refers to any observation made by Navjot Singh Sidhu in the commentary box.

    Slog
    Strokeplay that is not copybook, it is used towards the end of a side?s innings in a limited-overs game in an effort to up the run rate. Term invented by English cricketers to highlight the physical strain of the work they do and thus justify why they are paid as much as they are.

    Spinner
    A bowler who causes ball to turn after pitching because of the tweak imparted to it by the fingers/wrist. Usually a degree holder in energy conservation and family planning, he takes his time to come (to the crease) and packs his balls with a loop while on the job.


    Square cut
    A forceful shot played by the batsman on the off-side with a horizontal bat. Also refers to the type of hairstyle popularised by Indian cricketer MS Dhoni.

    Sweep
    A stroke employed by the batsmen with a dual purpose: to send the ball ? via use of a horizontal bat ? on a sightseeing trip to the on-side; and to clear the pitch of dust as a fill-in for the official jhadoo-wala who nowadays refuses to clean up after the fielders at two potty positions ? silly point and forward short-leg ? squat near the pitch.

    Test
    A match played between two countries over five days with lunch and tea thrown in, and an Australian umpire called Darrell Hair thrown out. Also, that which cricketers always flunked at school, forcing them to become cricketers.

    Umpire
    Either of two persons officiating a game, he pretends to be deaf when screamed at by the bowler. He also has the tendency to wave and raise his arms, and is notorious for raising a finger as if to indicate that he wants to leave the field to take a leak when all he is doing is declaring a batsman out.

    V
    The arc between the fielding positions midoff and mid-on. Also, the name of a TV channel that appreciates what fine leg and long leg should actually mean.

    Wide ball
    A delivery that pitches too far away from the batsman for him to be able to play it. Not to be confused with a pathological accumulation of serous fluid in a genital cavity that results in the man concerned having a wide ball.

    XXXX
    A brand of beer popular among Aussie cricketers; also, the rating given to TV coverage of the action in the stands during matches played in the Australian summer.

    Yorker
    A full-length delivery bowled by a pacer aiming to slip the ball under the bat and hit the base of the stumps. Alternatively, permanent pedicure treatment for a batsman?s toes.

    Zooter
    A ball delivered by a legspinner with practically no spin. Credited to Shane Warne, whose SMSes on behalf of his middle stumpbased ball(s) to all and sundry had no spin either.

  2. #2

    Join Date
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    Someone got a lot of time on his hand


  3. #3

    Join Date
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    LOL Great read