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Hitchhiker's Guide to HK

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  1. #1

    Hitchhiker's Guide to HK

    A friend and his family + extended family are visiting Hong Kong. Yeah, amazing courage right?

    Asked me what are the rules of "engagement."

    My quick tip guide:

    Reporters (in glowing green or yellow vests that say PRESS or something similar and carrying recording equipment):
    If they are walking towards a direction, go in the opposite direction, except when they are running in a panic, then run in their direction.

    Masked Protesters Usually Wearing Mostly Black
    If they are walking towards a destination never looking back, go in the opposite direction, except when they are running in a panic (always looking back), then run away from the direction they came, in any direction. And try not to follow the protesters.

    Triads (in white shirts, no shirts, or otherwise looking criminal) or any group of people with the same color shirts (e.g. blue, orange, whatever)
    If they are walking towards a direction, go in the opposite direction, except when they are running towards you, then run in any direction they aren't coming from-- FAST.

    Guy(s) and/or Gal(s) with Knives, Sticks, Bottles, Bricks, etc. (otherwise known as "Good" Citizens or Vigilantes)
    If they are walking towards a destination, go in another direction, except when they are running towards you, then run in any direction they aren't coming from. Don't try walking past them. Don't go up to them and ask them how's their day going.

    Riot Police Usually in Green or Black looking like the Military
    If they are walking towards a destination, go in the opposite direction of that destination, except when they are running towards you, then you can decide to let them decide what to do with you, or you can walk fast, but don't run in any direction that you don't see any RP... unless the RP tell you to stop walking. Then you stop walking. If the RP are just standing around, don't stick around.

    Tear Gas, Rubber Bullets and Water shot all around you.
    Run, Forrest, run...

    Last edited by balancedequatio; 16-11-2019 at 09:03 AM.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    May 2005
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    Hong Kong Island
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    337

    That looks correct! can I copy your guide?

    balancedequatio likes this.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    1,239

    You missed one thing. Don't stop to give a lecture /speech to a crowd of black or white clad. Or any color for that matter. You might end up yourself being lectured by the Grim Reaper.

    MABinPengChau likes this.

  4. #4

    HK Guide to Your Rights When Being Stopped or Arrested

    Watch this for visuals to the following guide:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLVs2ZXE_II

    First accept: You have no rights (any more). Zero (0), zip, nada, ling dian ling.

    2) Don't appear that you have a college degree or have any significant IQ greater than 70. You cannot have an IQ greater than the police officer interrograting you. You must pretend as hard as possible to be dumb as a rock and end every sentence with a gentle "Ah Sir."

    3) Don't stand taller than any police officer. Look up to them, not down at them. This goes for manners as well as body language. Slump your shoulders and don't look directly into their eyes. Hold your arms to your side, or meekly cover your genitals and chest.

    4) You might even praise the officer by telling them you admire all the hard work they are doing breaking the bones of those "nasty little cockroaches." Even if you don't mean a word of it. Flattery will get you everywhere. In other words, prostrate yourself to your Authority.

    5) Don't tell the officer where you live or that you just need to walk 500 meters to get home or to your office unless they ask you for that information.

    6) In fact, the best policy is to stay completely silent. Anything you say is b@llshit to the police, so its better not to say b*llshit to the police. Because you'll only appear to be a d*ckhead to them. Give the minimum amount of information and commentary possible. No matter how much it pisses you off, stay silent. Absolutely don't tell the officer what he could do with his Mother.

    7) And if he asks for ID, always show it to the officer. Ask him or her if you can reach wherever to hand it to them before you do it. Always get permission, but don't annoy the officer by asking for too much permission. You might appear "needy" to the officer.

    8) Don't dress like you're well-to-do or of the professional or educated class if you are going out. Or declare your rank in society or you have a high-end job. In fact, if possible pretend you have a more terrible job than the officer's, such as the guy tied to a rope and lowered down cleaning out city sewers. You might get some sympathy. The exception is that if you are filthy rich and politically connected. Then wag that sword. Except if the police officer doesn't understand Cantonese or English. Then you are SOL.

    9) Understand that the police officer gets happier when they can arrest you for anything. Whether it is to fulfill a quota, to restore "order" or for kicks, the officer is looking for anything to arrest you for. One person illegal assembly, obstructing justice, hurting his or her feelings or just looking ugly or suspicious, it doesn't matter. Accept that you are going to jail, and you just might not go to jail. It's that bizarre. But again, in HK 2019, it is NOT out of the ordinary.

    10) Don't be arrogant. And that means act instead like a 3 year old afraid of their father or mother right before a beating. Even if you've done nothing wrong, say exactly these words: "I'm sorry, Ah Sir." Don't speak to the police like they work for you because quite frankly they do not (anymore). So, it's best you act like a domestic worker to the Boss, the Police. Not the other way around.

    11) Don't request anything, let alone demand anything. No water, no lawyer, no mercy. Remember, you have no rights. Because not only will the police officer tell you where you can F yourself and your rights, but the officer might demonstrate with a baton and the batons of some of his good friends where they will F you and your social score.

    12) If officers are telling each other that you should be cuffed and gagged, then again you are SOL. You will need to put out your hands obediently. But try to be smart and put both close together in front of your body, so you might be cuffed and led away from the front, and not bound behind, which is much harder to deal with. Of course, you get no real choice in this.

    13) Don't resist. Absolutely don't fight back or try to pull or swipe the baton or any weapon from the police. At most just shield your most vital parts. If you don't know what they are, they are in this order: your head (brain), your heart, liver, kidney, stomach, gut and royal jewels. If you being actively grappled and restrained, do not resist. Go limp instead. It reduces the chance of your injury.

    14) If you have been sprayed in the face or have some part of your head or body injured, don't tend to your injury or ask the Police for assistance. You are SOL. Crying and complaining only pisses off the officer. This is 2019 not 2014. Know the difference.

    15) Don't demand you have rights. Don't mention you have rights. Don't try to educate the police about the law. Because they ARE THE LAW. This is especially true if there are more than one police officer arresting or harassing you. The only time you can ask an officer politely what you've done wrong is when there are hundreds of other normal (caring) citizens around you and citizens outnumber the police at least 20 if not 50 to 1. Remember, 2019 not 2014.

    16) Your only chance is with a judge. The officers will even tell you, "take it up with the Judge." So believe them, you can only talk to the Judge. Because, except for the paperwork, the police officer just doesn't care. And the paperwork these days is just a rubber stamped form. In fact, every citizen might have one already pre-generated in the government computer systems, so keep comfort that you're not alone and pray for a speedy release and trial.

    17) Finally, don't ask for help from anyone when the police are kicking the living Elvis out of you. Because no one, except maybe a mob of masked and black shirted protesters might help you if they outnumber the police 10:1. Though, you might be lucky and the group of youngsters just don't care about the numbers. But then you might also be SOL as mayhem plus a bigger beating will soon descend upon you.

    18) Well finally, if you watch the video above, one final final last thing. Don't ask for help from reporters (except for filming you getting the Ying Yang beaten out of you). Because their job is to film you getting beaten up. And don't ask the reporter to call the ... police... because they are already there.

    Last edited by balancedequatio; 16-11-2019 at 06:05 PM.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    4,895
    Quote Originally Posted by balancedequatio:
    Watch this for visuals to the following guide:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLVs2ZXE_II

    First accept: You have no rights (any more). Zero (0), zip, nada, ling dian ling.

    2) Don't appear that you have a college degree or have any significant IQ greater than 70. You cannot have an IQ greater than the police officer interrograting you. You must pretend as hard as possible to be dumb as a rock and end every sentence with a gentle "Ah Sir."

    3) Don't stand taller than any police officer. Look up to them, not down at them. This goes for manners as well as body language. Slump your shoulders and don't look directly into their eyes. Hold your arms to your side, or meekly cover your genitals and chest.

    4) You might even praise the officer by telling them you admire all the hard work they are doing breaking the bones of those "nasty little cockroaches." Even if you don't mean a word of it. Flattery will get you everywhere. In other words, prostrate yourself to your Authority.

    5) Don't tell the officer where you live or that you just need to walk 500 meters to get home or to your office unless they ask you for that information.

    6) In fact, the best policy is to stay completely silent. Anything you say is b@llshit to the police, so its better not to say b*llshit to the police. Because you'll only appear to be a d*ckhead to them. Give the minimum amount of information and commentary possible. No matter how much it pisses you off, stay silent. Absolutely don't tell the officer what he could do with his Mother.

    7) And if he asks for ID, always show it to the officer. Ask him or her if you can reach wherever to hand it to them before you do it. Always get permission, but don't annoy the officer by asking for too much permission. You might appear "needy" to the officer.

    8) Don't dress like you're well-to-do or of the professional or educated class if you are going out. Or declare your rank in society or you have a high-end job. In fact, if possible pretend you have a more terrible job than the officer's, such as the guy tied to a rope and lowered down cleaning out city sewers. You might get some sympathy. The exception is that if you are filthy rich and politically connected. Then wag that sword. Except if the police officer doesn't understand Cantonese or English. Then you are SOL.

    9) Understand that the police officer gets happier when they can arrest you for anything. Whether it is to fulfill a quota, to restore "order" or for kicks, the officer is looking for anything to arrest you for. One person illegal assembly, obstructing justice, hurting his or her feelings or just looking ugly or suspicious, it doesn't matter. Accept that you are going to jail, and you just might not go to jail. It's that bizarre. But again, in HK 2019, it is NOT out of the ordinary.

    10) Don't be arrogant. And that means act instead like a 3 year old afraid of their father or mother right before a beating. Even if you've done nothing wrong, say exactly these words: "I'm sorry, Ah Sir." Don't speak to the police like they work for you because quite frankly they do not (anymore). So, it's best you act like a domestic worker to the Boss, the Police. Not the other way around.

    11) Don't request anything, let alone demand anything. No water, no lawyer, no mercy. Remember, you have no rights. Because not only will the police officer tell you where you can F yourself and your rights, but the officer might demonstrate with a baton and the batons of some of his good friends where they will F you and your social score.

    12) If officers are telling each other that you should be cuffed and gagged, then again you are SOL. You will need to put out your hands obediently. But try to be smart and put both close together in front of your body, so you might be cuffed and led away from the front, and not bound behind, which is much harder to deal with. Of course, you get no real choice in this.

    13) Don't resist. Absolutely don't fight back or try to pull or swipe the baton or any weapon from the police. At most just shield your most vital parts. If you don't know what they are, they are in this order: your head (brain), your heart, liver, kidney, stomach, gut and royal jewels. If you being actively grappled and restrained, do not resist. Go limp instead. It reduces the chance of your injury.

    14) If you have been sprayed in the face or have some part of your head or body injured, don't tend to your injury or ask the Police for assistance. You are SOL. Crying and complaining only pisses off the officer. This is 2019 not 2014. Know the difference.

    15) Don't demand you have rights. Don't mention you have rights. Don't try to educate the police about the law. Because they ARE THE LAW. This is especially true if there are more than one police officer arresting or harassing you. The only time you can ask an officer politely what you've done wrong is when there are hundreds of other normal (caring) citizens around you and citizens outnumber the police at least 20 if not 50 to 1. Remember, 2019 not 2014.

    16) Your only chance is with a judge. The officers will even tell you, "take it up with the Judge." So believe them, you can only talk to the Judge. Because, except for the paperwork, the police officer just doesn't care. And the paperwork these days is just a rubber stamped form. In fact, every citizen might have one already pre-generated in the government computer systems, so keep comfort that you're not alone and pray for a speedy release and trial.

    17) Finally, don't ask for help from anyone when the police are kicking the living Elvis out of you. Because no one, except maybe a mob of masked and black shirted protesters might help you if they outnumber the police 10:1. Though, you might be lucky and the group of youngsters just don't care about the numbers. But then you might also be SOL as mayhem plus a bigger beating will soon descend upon you.

    18) Well finally, if you watch the video above, one final final last thing. Don't ask for help from reporters (except for filming you getting the Ying Yang beaten out of you). Because their job is to film you getting beaten up. And don't ask the reporter to call the ... police... because they are already there.
    Two very solid posts I can’t like enough. Hard to restrain myself from asserting my rights as a good citizen, but great advice.
    bbchris and rkenia852 like this.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    166

    I'd only add a few additional. Don't dress in black, dress like a tourist.

    Given that you have done the above. If police are running. Don't run, stand to the side and let them run past. Running will make them think you are running from them

    Other advice, if you need to do shopping, try to get it done before 3pm. Then go hiking somewhere or go to areas where there are not usually flash points.

    Safe areas so far have been sai king, clearwater Bay, Tai mo shan. Still plenty of places to visit.

    bbchris likes this.

  7. #7

    Don't take out your phone and take photos/videos.


  8. #8

    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    4,713

    Or just tell your friends don’t go where people like to stand in the middle of the road and hold their hand up with an open palm that resembles a German WW2 hand gesture.

    bbchris likes this.

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    猴山
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ebi the shrimp:
    Don't take out your phone and take photos/videos.
    It is perfectly legal to take photos and videos. Just don't upload them

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    猴山
    Posts
    23,652
    Quote Originally Posted by Hoista:
    Other advice, if you need to do shopping, try to get it done before 3pm.
    You're completely correct. The other day City Super ran out of fresh fig and walnut bread at 4:00
    shri and bbchris like this.

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