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22-11-2008, 11:03 AM #111
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22-11-2008, 11:22 AM #112
Best friends I ever made were in my early twenties, we could relate then and we can still relate now though we have very different lives and experiences. I really don't get this age thing... if you have common interests and passions...why couldn't one relate and have great relationships with younger people? I guess that doesn't say much with parents with their kids, If you can't have meaningful conversations with someone 20-30 years younger then good luck if you ever have kids... There's a time when you need to stop being a parent and transform your relationship. There's nothing worse than parents/people that can't take advice or have discussions with their younger people because they think that their experience gives them all the answers.
I have friends 20 years younger and older and I can enjoy spending time with them equally.
I have excellent conversations with my friends kid when we go for a two hour run in the hills and with my retired buddy of almost 70 on the golf course. We can even be talking of the same things...investment, the market, real estate, sports, relationships. I don't see why it can't be the same with a more personal relationship if you treat each other as equals. I think someone in their twenties can be just as intelligent or more, certainly as fit and life experiences, well I'm sorry but you never get a relationship where the other person is a carbon copy of yourself. We can benefit and appreciate those differences, the younger person can benefit from the experience and sometimes weatlh accumulated, the older person can enjoy the energy and enthusiasm that younger people have, maybe a certain lack of cynicism that often develop as we get older. They don't always complain about the little pains they have or problems at work.
There are challenges such as retirement and health but there are never any guarantees, anyone can get hit by a bus tomorrow or get cancer. If you find someone you can have fun and connect with today, why worry about tomorrow since it may never come... Be happy and forget about what other people may think, if they can't handle it, it's their problem not yours. Funny enough, women often seem to be more bothered by this kind of behaviour. Perhaps a little insecurity there...
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22-11-2008, 01:12 PM #113
I am particularly astounded by this last post of yours. Whilst I of course agree with what you mention as far as being able to have great conversations with people of all ages goes, etc goes - and I am sure one would be hard pressed to find someone who would reply in the negative to your question above, which has been most cannily morphed from the completely different concept of marriage betwen a 20 year old and a 50 year old - what we have been discussing at hand is a different matter.
Being able to have a good conversation with a 20 year old or 50 year old is patently different to being amenable to marrying one if you are the other. Can you accept that, or do we need to go into the reasons? Whilst I may not have completely ruled out the possibility at the age of 20 that I may meet a 50 year old soul mate, of course I would have baulked at this prospect unless I was absolutely convinced that this was the case and that I would never find my 'real' soulmate later on, which would be quite unlikely. A number of women may, however, marry for money. To deny this is plain naive. To allege that women who have views about the difficulties and possible motivations about a 30 year age gap are insecure is just plain offensive and ignorant. Such views can be held by both women and men without disagreeing about your comments about conversations with people of all ages and not ruling out the possibility of love at all ages. (And as a small side comment, I think there can be an appreciable difference in mindset etc between a 20 year old and someone in their late 20s)
It seems to be amazing that you could adopt such a morally high tone after having commented another post that "I would never in a million years have a relationship a DH, someone from a poor country, someone uneducated, a smoker or drinker". I mean what the ??
How can you dare to suggest that people with the views I mentioned above are the narrow minded ones in light of this? I would not have commented on the aforementioned post of yours at all, because I do accept that most people have their own, sometimes idiosyncratic boxes to tick - to each their own etc - but going by the logic of your last post, I would now launch into an easily unobjectionable essay (on the face of it) of how it would be possible to connect with someone who fit the bill for everything you mentioned in that post, and imply that you would not be able to have any type of rapport with your own kids if they started smoking or drinking or didn't earn as much as you (if I recall correctly from another post of yours) etc etc.Last edited by muse07; 22-11-2008 at 01:33 PM.
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22-11-2008, 01:24 PM #114
To quote your exact words... Going by your 'logic', does the above re conversations and intelligence apply to DHs, anyone from a poor country, someone uneducated, a smoker or drinker?! Also, intelligence (eg IQ) is not what we have been soley talking about here. Take a step back and think about your posts. I find it astounding that you can blast people here for being so called judgemental when you are making ridiculously judgmental statements (whilst taking things out of context) yourself.
Last edited by muse07; 22-11-2008 at 01:39 PM.
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22-11-2008, 03:17 PM #115
Mmm sounds like I touched a little nerve there...The difference is that while I would never do certain things because of my individual preferences. I recognize that others have different opinions and I don't look down my nose at people that make decisions based on their own set of values.
I respect the fact that some people wouldn't want to date someone 20 years younger than them and most likely I won't do that either but I don't have any negative thoughts whatsoever about people who make those decision. I don't think they're embarrassing themselves, I don't assume that the younger person is in just for the money nor that they can't be seen in public...
And the fact that I wouldn't have a relationship with certain type of people because it would be doomed in failure but it doesn't mean I don't respect them or can't be friends with them or even jump in the sack and have some fun.
As for men and women disagreeing with this type of behaviour, it's certainly true that both men and women can have a distaste for that. As a matter of fact, when I first visited Thailand in my early twenties, I thought Pattaya was somewhat disgusting and haven't changed my mind much about that either but I've certainly grown a lot more accepting of various behaviours. My personal experience which in no way reflects any scientific study does remain that women seem to have more of a problem with it and even more so as they age...If that offends you, well that's too bad, it's simply what I've observed in my life. It doesn't mean that it's the absolute truth, simply my personal experience.
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22-11-2008, 03:48 PM #116
I'm not sure why you say there is a difference between our views on the point you mentioned above. I was not going to comment on your post about your preferences until you posted criticising people with age preferences, which seemed unfair to say the least. However, I would call questioning the ability of someone who may have age preferences for a relationship (just like you have hard and fast rules for your relationships) to be able to connect with their kids (which in itself is flawed logic) looking down your nose.
I don't assume that either and I would treat both parties with respect. But whilst not ruling out a real connection, I also wouldn't deny that it could be a big factor behind some marriages, say with huge age gaps.
The *exact* same comment goes for age. The difference being that I do not think an age difference would necessarily 'doom a relationship in failure' (unlike your thoughts about your criteria), just that it is a factor that I would strongly consider.Last edited by muse07; 22-11-2008 at 03:57 PM.
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22-11-2008, 04:31 PM #117
There's nothing wrong with having an age preference...or any preferences at all when it comes down to relationships. We are all free to make our own choices which is my point. Some posters make the assumptions that they would have nothing to talk about etc... That's what I was alluding to with my kids comment...
In any relationship where there are gaps with money, it can be a factor. Some people are quicker to make the leap when there's an age difference. An so what if there is? Who says love has to be defined the same way for all? If both people are happy and getting what they want...who cares?
I am not saying it would doom any relationships to failure, only mine. That's simply called self awareness, I know who I am, what I like and can put up with on an extended basis. I don't ask for people to change for me nor do I expect to make any efforts to become a different person. As I said before, the blocks fit or they don't..You don't like me? Not a problem, move along... I have no interest in fiddling to make things fit. If others have the mission to remodel their mates( or "compromise" that's their decision and more power to them.
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22-11-2008, 04:37 PM #118
I can take that point, although maybe it's that they become more articulate about it, and I have already mentioned my similar mindset about it at age 20...
Men seem to have less of a problem with it the more they age. Funny that :P
Anyway, enough from me. Am sure ppl are getting sick of our posts :]Last edited by muse07; 22-11-2008 at 04:39 PM.
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22-11-2008, 04:52 PM #119
When I'm 70 and looking at dwindling years and imminent death, I don't think I'll care too much about appearances. I've already lost many friends and relatives and that cemented the belief in me that life is too short to care about what other people think.
If you can find happiness today, grab hold of it because tomorrow may never come.
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22-11-2008, 05:02 PM #120
Still don't get it? Let me help you out here. What I meant was:
What's the bloody big deal about DHs / professional ladies down Wanchai with degrees, when one wouldn't make the same sort of fuss over people with some degree from some unknown / dubious uni's in say the UK? I simply see no reason why the degrees of DHs / hookers should get elevated to a different level just because of what they are, and I fail to see why men seem to be so impressed by it.
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