Mixed Emotions in Uprooting (Vent) Support Thread

[ray98]

I'm extremely stressed out about moving to Hong Kong too. I'm 25/f, born in Hong Kong, grew up in Canada. I haven't been to HK in years, definitely will take a lot of time for me to get used to the environment.

The reason I was moving to HK was because my boyfriend of 4 years had moved to Guangzhou China for work last year. I thought well why not give it a try, I was born there, I can read and write and speak the language, I'm fluent in English, I have overseas working experience, and most importantly I can continue my relationship with my boyfriend.

But things hit rough waters. My boyfriend and I broke up recently, but I am still going to move to HK in hopes of finding a job, starting a life, and of course patch things up with him.

I have a few friends in HK, don't have a job yet, renting a place to live and just starting a new life. I'm absolutely TERRIFIED. Not only am I dealing with the money and job and relocation issues, I'm also dealing with the breakup which is killing me.

I tried posting on here asking others what they usually do to kill the time and not feel so lonely. All I got was people telling me to grow up, not to make the move, should just stay in Canada. No support at all. I mean what's wrong with worrying about what's going to happen? I just want to know what to expect and how to deal with the concerns that I'm having.

We all have reasons why we have to relocate. I guess I speak the language so I wouldn't feel as stranded as you would. But on the other hand, you have a loving and supportive spouse to be there for you. I don't.

God I'm so depressed. My flight is in less than 2 weeks. I will definitely miss timmies and other things in Canada, but at the same time I can't wait to get out of here. Staying in Canada is too painful when going through a breakup when there are sweet memories everywhere I go.

This is a major life change for me, I'm stressed out and terrified and depressed.

rottenlemon, piece of advice, don't go chasing lost causes - there are very good reasons why your past didn't make it to your future.

Do not let your emotions decide where you are - determine what exactly what is good for you, independent from factors you cannot control such as a guy's feelings for you, and plan your future around what you can control and what is good for you.

Be bold, be brave, and stuff all those who can't appreciate you. You probably don't want to hear this, but if your ex in in GZ, he has better eye candy just about everywhere, and HK to GZ is not much difference to Canada and GZ.

[scriptmonkey]

I'm extremely stressed out about moving to Hong Kong too. I'm 25/f, born in Hong Kong, grew up in Canada. I haven't been to HK in years, definitely will take a lot of time for me to get used to the environment.

The reason I was moving to HK was because my boyfriend of 4 years had moved to Guangzhou China for work last year. I thought well why not give it a try, I was born there, I can read and write and speak the language, I'm fluent in English, I have overseas working experience, and most importantly I can continue my relationship with my boyfriend.

But things hit rough waters. My boyfriend and I broke up recently, but I am still going to move to HK in hopes of finding a job, starting a life, and of course patch things up with him.

I have a few friends in HK, don't have a job yet, renting a place to live and just starting a new life. I'm absolutely TERRIFIED. Not only am I dealing with the money and job and relocation issues, I'm also dealing with the breakup which is killing me.

I tried posting on here asking others what they usually do to kill the time and not feel so lonely. All I got was people telling me to grow up, not to make the move, should just stay in Canada. No support at all. I mean what's wrong with worrying about what's going to happen? I just want to know what to expect and how to deal with the concerns that I'm having.

We all have reasons why we have to relocate. I guess I speak the language so I wouldn't feel as stranded as you would. But on the other hand, you have a loving and supportive spouse to be there for you. I don't.

God I'm so depressed. My flight is in less than 2 weeks. I will definitely miss timmies and other things in Canada, but at the same time I can't wait to get out of here. Staying in Canada is too painful when going through a breakup when there are sweet memories everywhere I go.

This is a major life change for me, I'm stressed out and terrified and depressed.

You're in an emotional state and anyone who's been through break up would understand it's usually never easy to get out of it, but you do in the end. Moving away on top of that is hard, but something that maybe beneficial in that you can use your time to rediscover Hong Kong. Take it from someone who had a long distance relationship time is all you have in the end and it's up to you how to use it. Best of luck in moving forward; no matter what that maybe.

[scriptmonkey]

Scriptmonkey, our paths are very similar. I just moved to HK three months ago with 3 small kids (oldest being 5 and 2 year old twins). My wife is from HK, I was born and raised in NY, am well traveled but never lived in HK. My Cantonese is wickedly bad, but I studied Mandarin in college and I can get by. (Survival tip #1 - I can't read, so if I go out and eat without my wife, I need to go to restaurants with pics or English menus). I have no friends or family in HK. My wife is here for work and I am trying to get a business going in HK. Hmmm, I'm your American counterpart?

I looked at my move as a family adventure. You definitely need a positive attitude to make your move successful. So far, HK has exceeded my expectations. My kids love HK, mostly because they live so close to Disney (annual pass), my wife enjoys being "back home", and well, I am just here enjoying my time in HK. Yes, you will miss family, friends, food and all things Canadian, but look on the bright side - you will be with your wife and kids enjoying a new life, in a vibrant city. PM me when you get settled and we'll get a beer and talk about North America. Good Luck.

Bizzaro me? (sorry, comic book geek reference). I'm coming to terms with everything. There are still a few things that can only be answered when I get over there, but that's normal; to me anyway. I would love to meet up and talk about North America. On a side note, NYC is one of our favorite cities to visit.

[scriptmonkey]

scriptmonkey

Can't you carry your work as a comic book writer from HK?

Yes and no. You can write anywhere in the world and get things done via the interweb, but to get things published--sometimes a handshake and a beer helps. There are many in the industry that are forgetful, so the meet and greets are important in those cases. Nature of the beast as they say. With that said, it only means it will be that much harder to get things noticed in these economic times. The geek does get a date with the cheerleader once in a blue moon.

(Hmm...maybe I'll establish a comic book creators club when I get to Hong Kong?)

[Jennyh14]

hi

I think you will find that so many people make the decision to move here and then as the time gets closer they start to get nervous and think about all the possibilities of what might happen.

We decided to move here (boyf and myself 27 from uk) and didn;t know a single soul either. We'd never been here, can't speak a word of cantonese but wanted to experience living somewhere else and this is where we ended up.

While i was very nervous, it is all about mindset - you have to view it as an adventure - HK won;t be home for a while, it takes ages to get used to being somewhere new, but while you are here take advantage of all the opportunities. We've travelled to places we'd never have gone to, met people we'd never had the opportunity to speak to (some very weird, some will be best friends for life) and experienced living somewhere else.
While you might be worried about your kids growing up in a different environment they will have opportunities, simply by living here, that you never will have had.

I spent a lot of time on my own when i first got here, for the 1st time in my life, and i walked around lots, met people, made myself be friendly and bombarded anyone i thought might want to employ me with phone calls and cvs/ emails. I got work very quickly (3 yrs ago and am teacher) and started to settle in.

Wherever you are in the world things irritate you about living there and its not till you are away from it you realise. There are good bits/ great bits and very annoying things about living here but you get used to it, learn not to get uptight (sometimes!) and take it as it is.

Its an amazing experience to live somewhere else and it doesn;t have to be forever. Take what you can from it while you can and remember 1000s of people have been through it before and survived.

Use this site to meet people (we did) and keep meeting them, share your experiences and you'll build a support network very quickly.

It does take 6 - 12 months to settle in so give it some time and remember after 3 years we still have bad days, but mainly great days!

Rotten Lemon:
While you are unemployed do some volunteering, explore, attend classes, join clubs etc..

there are lots of people here with not much to fill their time - find them, meet them and then do stuff together.
Its an adventure, exciting and scary but shouldn;t be as you describe it - if it is you need to make sure you are up for it.

[scriptmonkey]

Jennyh14 - Thanks for the supportive comments.
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[carang]

"remember after 3 years we still have bad days, but mainly great days!"

hell, i've been here over 14 years and i still have bad days!

[MovingIn07]

I think the others have covered the really important parts but I thought I would chip in with something nobody else has said yet. You called HK "New York without Central Park". 100% WRONG. HK has a huge amount of greenery and the ability to "get away from it all" is actually much greater than one might expect.

While it's not a field of grass that you can play games on (grass fields seem to be rare as hens teeth!), the countryside around HK is green and highly accessible. There are country parks all over the place - even adjacent to some of the most highly built-up areas on the Island etc. You can walk out of your door, catch a bus for a short ride and then hike up a hill and be in a park. While popular, many of these places are nowhere near as popular as you think they should be (why the rest of the population has not discovered them is beyond me!) so with a little bit of fitness you can really get away and discover some peaceful, green places.

Your kids are abit young yet to take them hiking, but it won't be long. As Carang noted, few of us have the same childhood as our parents these days, but if you want nature and exercise and the "great outdoors" to be part of your children's lives, there is no excuse not to do so in HK!

Good luck.

[minhk]

HK does a lot of things for different people/family.

Our family took a very long time to settle down because my husband and I had to switch roles. I was a tai-tai back in Oz and he supported me well with his job but when I itched to go back to work, and took on a job in HK, we had to do a complete role reversal.

It took him 2.5 years to admit that he couldn't cope not being the family's primary bread winner and until he did so, our marriage almost fell apart. And it took me a whole year and a a bit to admit that perhaps I was wrong about uprooting the family to HK. So being honest with your emotions from the beginning with your wife is probably going to save a lot of future issues.

We still have bad days ... primarily because I love/hate HK. Love the $/international school education but Hate the work ethics and general lack of civility and crowd. Everytime I go home, i ask myself, what the hell am I doing in HK? But we return, and we get used to it and have found pockets to love and adjusted our lifestyle to make HK suit us... This after 2.5 years we realised was important... making HK work for us.... not us to HK.

Hiking is great. We moved to an area where there is a hiking track just in our backyard. We also made sure that we lived in a complex that had great facilities and room for our kid, dog and cat to run around. Our son swims and goes on small hikes everyday. We even found a dog beach for our 45 kg lab.

We avoid areas we hate and found refuge in pockets we love on the weekends. There's a lot of nature you teach... just the biodiversity would be different. And, it could be a fun thing for you too.

We are back to dual income and we love the liberty of this arrangement. It means we get to travel regionally more, making trips to open spaces in the countries around us. The only flip side is we are dependent on a domestic helper. That, is going to be a can of worms, you will have to deal with too. It's another Love/Hate.

Be honest, expect the worse but prepare for the best. Good Luck!

[alohautopia]

This is a great thread. Will also help me in my move.

I will be moving to HK in one to two weeks for a job and while I am also apprehensive about it mainly because I do not know anyone, I think it will be awesome to live somewhere else and get another perspective. How many opportunities do you have in your life to do that? :-) I'm 24, female, no family, have travelled a lot but have not lived anywhere else by myself. This will be my first time to uproot myself and settle somewhere different.

Frankly, I think I could not have made a better decision of trying HK for my first ever move. It has everything I think I would need: bustling city, perfect public transportation, steaming with expats (which will come in handy since I will have people to share experiences with, since I know zilch about the language), great nature sceneries (I heard there are loads of hiking clubs --> am a mountaineer myself), safe to roam around and very modern. It might not be as much of a culture shock. I'm going to take it as an adventure.