Friendship issue

[xpatinhk]

I met a hongkonger a year ago through the forum. We had only met once and corresponded only through msns, usually it's her asking for advice because I am older than she is.

I got an invitation to her wedding ceremony and a small informal lunch afterwards which took me by surprise because I don't feel I know well. The problem I have is that the timing for her wedding clashes with my volunteer at my daughter's school. I have agreed to help her teacher out for an hour each week. The other problem I face is that I do not know any of her family or friends so I'm a bit uncomfortable sitting at a table for yumchar with strangers.

My biggest problem is I feel obligated to be in two places at the one time.

Any advice?

[PDLM]

Some locals seem to invite everyone they've spoken to in the last year to their weddings - apparently there is status in having as many people as possible there. Remember that unlike western weddings, guests are expected to pay for their supper so it doesn't cost much to invite more people.

But if you don't feel comfortable then don't go - many of the invitees don't. But you are, of course, expected to pay (a smaller amount) anyway.

[mengfei]

yeah no need to go, just send in your RED packet, BTW where you given an official invitation card?

also there could be a "chance" that she could read this since she's also a member here.

[Load Toad]

Can't go, don't want to go..? Don't go - make an excuse, send a red packet - job done.

As mentioned the custom seems to be have lots of people as it looks good, is more fun and there are more red packets to be had. I also find on the mainland I get invited cos they love to have a big daft lao wei to drink with / make fun of / play games with.

[cathy789]

yeah, more the better means more money the bride and groom can make. Or at least, lose as little money as possible. that depends where the hotel is and what the menu is like.

But if you have recieved a formal invitation, then even if you don't go you are still obligated to put some money into a red packet.
That's why the chinese calls the wedding invitations "bombs" because either way you go or you don't go, you still have to give money.

[apple&dog]

don't go cuz it will feel strange and always by yourself

[mengfei]

don't go cuz it will feel strange and always by yourself

well he could also mingle around & ask for directions

[joljon]

dont go if u don't feel like to. there is no such "obligation" for u to attend her wedding. she's nice to invite u n she wont know u r uncomfortable.
the ceremony is meaningful to the newlywed, a joyful event. BUT if u are not in the mood, why bother to participate?

[xpatinhk]

Okay, I've told her that I won't be free that day.

In regards to red packet, how much do I have to give? From what I understand, it is not going to be a hotel banquet but a yumchar lunch.

[Skyhook]

$500 if you are not that close. A polite amount.

$1000 -plus based on your position in the family, or closeness to the bride/grooms family.

Use crisp notes also. Never use coins or denominations of 4. ie 4, 40, 400, 4000,