Well, I just got one bit of good news in the mail...
A letter from IRD
"After reviewing the information now available, we have re-assessed your tax liability. As a result, the outstanding amount of the following demand note have been cancelled."
So thats $37K I get to keep...
There's no doubt you have gotten a raw deal -- but there's no point in beating yourself up over the past. There are no guarantees in life.
First things first - are you working now? If so, you may be able to transition over to a work visa, especially considering circumstances, etc.
I assume there are no children? That is, I guess a positive in this situation. It means your future is up to you and no one else (except you) will be hurt by this.
The next issue is the relationship - sounds like it is over for certain? You need to decide if it is recoverable. My question (and its rhetorical since you don't need to really answer this) is why this happened in the first place. Only you can tell if this is a one time fling or if she is simply unreliable. My advice is not to act out of anger but at the same time don't kid yourself. There is just a possibility that what happened was an unusual circumstance and it won't happen again. In order to know the truth, you have to be willing to walk away though.
On the positive side, HK is a great place to be a single guy (no matter what age) so if you set up a new life here you could end up being very happy. On the other hand, you should also ask yourself whether you really want to stay in HK -- were you just here for your wife? Only you can answer those questions.
Bottom line is, be tough but not angry. Be prepared to make tough decisions. I don't know if this is helpful but those are my thoughts. Best of luck to you!
jb: Just reread an earlier posting of yours and have to add that it looks like you've already had it out with the wife and that it is really over -- so it looks like you should just walk away and not look back. My other comments should still be valid - you should decide how much you want to stay in HK or if you want to go elsewhere. It's a big world and there is still plenty of opportunity out there. Cheers.