Drop those Funny ones here!!:)

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  1. #11

    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    in an underground bunker at an undisclosed location
    Posts
    2,077

    Two builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

    The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

    Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant. Eric: - No way - he's a stockbroker. Phil: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

    The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.

    Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.

    Phil: - 'Scuse me.. no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

    Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.

    Phil: - Oh! What's that then?

    Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?

    Phil: - Er... mmm . well yeah, I do as it happens!

    Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

    Phil: - It's in a pond!

    Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

    Phil: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!

    Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

    Phil: - As it happens I've got a five-bedroom house...built it myself!

    Suit: - Well given that you've built a five-bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?

    Phil: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children.

    Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

    Phil:- Yep! Four nights a week!

    Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?

    Phil: - Me? Never.

    Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

    Phil: - How's that then?

    Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

    Phil: - I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!

    Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate.

    Eric: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

    Phil: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

    Eric: - What's that then?

    Phil: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

    Eric: - Nope.

    Phil: - Well then, you're a wanker.


  2. #12

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Everywhere you don't want me to be
    Posts
    2,897

    A husband and wife are getting pretty hot and heated in bed, when suddenly the wife pulls away and says she doesn't feel like it anymore. Understandably irked, the husband asks what her problem is.

    She replies, "I don't feel like sex, just hold me." The husband is stunned and gets even angrier.

    She says, "I guess you just don't understand my emotional needs as a woman."

    The next day the husband takes his wife to the fanciest store in town. He takes her to get jewellry, clothes, shoes, etc... After a few hours, she is loaded up and says she is ready to go the cashier.

    "Oh no," he says, "we aren't buying this, you just get to hold it for a while!"

    The woman is livid!!!

    He says, "I guess you just aren't in touch with my financial needs as a man."


  3. #13

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    HK island ...
    Posts
    474

    A Well Planned Life????

    A WELL PLANNED LIFE????

    Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.

    One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school,
    Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
    'Yes," said her friend.

    "My first marriage was to a millionaire;
    my second marriage was to an actor;
    my third marriage was to a preacher;
    and now I'm married to an undertaker."

    Her friend asked,
    "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"

    "One for the money,
    two for the show,
    three to get ready,
    and four to go.


  4. #14

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    HK island ...
    Posts
    474

    Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and
    drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed
    behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.

    The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy.
    He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the
    barrel.
    He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted
    and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.


    The second guy says: Da! mn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride
    and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a traveling agency
    for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also
    manage to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.

    The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my
    pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities
    and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and
    became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a
    30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend.

    The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of
    theirs sons. The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned
    and asked: What'! s going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.

    And then he asked, What about your son?

    The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a
    stripper at a nightclub.

    The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible,
    what a disappointment you must feel.

    The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son
    and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy.

    And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and
    the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new
    jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.


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