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do you trust your helper??

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  1. #1

    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    76

    do you trust your helper??

    Hi there

    We will move to HK in Jan. There are 3 of us, husband, wife (not working at the moment) and a 5 year old child in year one.

    We have been wondering if we should rent a 3 bedroom flat so that we could have a DH or a 2 br without one.

    My question is: can you completely trust your helper???

    The problem is that my wife is very careless and leaves her stuff around like jewelery & watches (though not all very expensive but some with sentimental values) around and you won't notice if anything missing until you want to wear them

    For example, we used to hire a part time nanny (25 yo young girl) in London last year to pick up our child after school from 3.30-6.30pm Mon-Fri for 5 months until the nanny went back to school again. However my wife has lost one scarf (Jigsaw one her sister bought for her as a gift) during the 5 months she's around (though never doubted it was her), then last week she could not find her burberry scarf she bought in Paris last April again...

    I kept telling her that it wouldn't be the nanny and told my wife she must have forgotten and left them somewhere outside house, thought my wife would agree but she is a bit mental scarred and blames herself for doubting the nanny ...

    So, if we want to have a live in DH this time in HK, do you guys who use DH trust your helper 100% that she won't touch any of your personal stuff and what about if you don't know they are missing/misplaced until you want to use them in one year's time??

    Could you share some lights on this kindly? Your view and experience may change my wife's decision to have a helper or not before we decide on the size of the flat...

    Many thanks for your time in advance!!!


  2. #2

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    2,879

    Go with the 2 BR apartment and no helper. Every time your wife misplaces something she would just blame the poor helper!

    LolaG and glad888 like this.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Pampanga, Philippines
    Posts
    29,764
    Quote Originally Posted by 100LL:
    Go with the 2 BR apartment and no helper. Every time your wife misplaces something she would just blame the poor helper!
    I would agree, if she gets so upset about losing two scarves it probably isn't worth the stress. The answer to your question is pretty obvious, many are totally trustworthy but some are thieving buggers. Same as any group of people. Add in the fact that they nearly all come from poor backgrounds (or to be honest they wouldn't be cleaning your toilets) and the risk is increased.
    dipper, dear giant and glad888 like this.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    54

    The phillipino helpers here are generally very honest and sincere...no need to worry on that part.AND they would definitely not like it if you keep losing your stuff and blame them!!

    dermotp likes this.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    500

    If you decide not to get a live in, but get a part time helper, make sure it's a legal one. My friend had all her jewellery stolen (it was locked away) by her helper. She admitted it but my friend was advised not to go to the police as she had employed the helper illegally and as well as reporting the theft the police would have considered that she was reporting her own crime of employing someone illegally and would have done her for that.

    If your wife has a lot of jewellery that she only wears from time to time a safe or even safety deposit box would be the way to go. Her current risk management strategy is not adequate. With a risk where the impact of it materialising would be high, you need to have adequate mitigation in place.


  6. #6

    If you're even thinking about things like this you should not have a stranger move into your home.


  7. #7

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    340

    Maybe start off with a legal part time coming over twice a week when your wife is home.

    I don't have live-in, but parttime. I've had a few and it's been a hit and miss. One I caught trying to steal some of my girlfriend's jewelry. She was about to leave and was bringing out some trash with her. I thought I saw something through the bag and stopped her on her way out. She said she thought it was rubbish. I didn't make a big fuzz of it. Just told her she has a bad taste of jewelry if she thinks it's rubbish and that she doesn't have to come back.

    I'm honestly more worried they will destroy some of my valuable things at home by accident. Most of my valuable things are big things, you know, home cinema, tv, music instruments, computers, furniture.

    The first helper I had in HK wasn't a bright one. I got home and saw a big black mark on the sofa. She had been ironing clothes next to the sofa, and decided it was smart to put the iron on the sofa. Totally burnt. She said it wasn't her. Hmm.

    All that being said, now I got a helper that I trust.


  8. #8

    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    1

    I have a helper, and I leave my things everywhere, I'm really messy. I even left my money on the floor a few times, and I have never noticed even a dollar missing.
    However, my friend's maid was fired for stealing a mobile phone.
    A Filipino maids already have it tough already, without stealing. On the whole, pretty safe I feel.


  9. #9

    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    2,259

    Hullexile is spot on of of course. Both the obvious racism of 'they're all lovely and honest and sincere' and the obvious racism of 'they're all evil, thieving bastards' are clearly nonsense. 'They' (like anyone else) are just people. Some very good, some very bad, most somewhere in between just like the rest of us.

    You must realise that it's fundamentally unrealistic to expect to get out of this discussion some kind of external guarantee that you can 100% trust a particular group of people, it's nonsensical. Rather than looking for the answer externally you have to look at yourselves.

    Most security measures are not about deciding whether one particular person or group of people can be trusted but putting in place some basic measures that work regardless so that you can stop worrying about it and get on with the business of interacting with people as human beings. All you wife needs to do is fit a lock on one of the drawers in her wardrobe and put her valuable stuff in there. It's the first place a burglar will look, but you're very unlikely to get burgled in HK and it will eliminate casual theft.

    If she doesn't want to put in place some simple measures then you have to look at whether she perhaps just quite likes a bit of drama.

    hullexile and Char Siu King like this.

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    108

    I agree with previous posts
    No way to start by thinking they are going to steal your expensive scarves. Though you seem to be relaxed about it, if your wife is nervous forget it.

    Lots of people have DH's that come once or twice a week - perhaps start there but it is not much fun if everytime something goes missing you suspect the DH.

    Personally I lose all sorts of things - it is the way I am. But I can leave cash around the place and not worry but she 'puts things away' clothes, magazines, cd's books, it is like having my mum back all over


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