Who do the Bride & Groom give Lai Sees to on their own wedding day?

[chips]

As if wedding costs aren't expensive enough as they are (sigh!), I've recently found out that the bride+groom should prepare many "Lai Sees" (or think they may also be called "Ang Pows") to give out at a chinese wedding that could really add up.

I can find lots of advice for how much you should give to the wedding couple as guests,
but I can't find anything online where there's a list of who we should give to.

Here's a list of who we guess we have to give one to so far:

1) to unmarried siblings during the tea ceremony (both older or younger)
2) to the "Dai Kam Por" who helps manage the tea ceremony
3) to the brides party from the groom's party at the opening door ceremony
4) to the best man
5) to the other groomsmen
6) to the bridesmaids (do they get a separate Lai See if at the opening door ceremony?)
7) to the flower girls (do they get a separate Lai See if at the opening door ceremony?)
8) to the page boy
9) to the waiters/waitresses after the banquet
10) to the hired photographer and his crew (we don't need to allocate them seats and include them in our banquet as well do we?)

Would appreciate if anyone can confirm whether all these people do need a Lai See from the bride and groom and if we have missed anyone.

I also haven't seen anywhere advising how much we should give for each.
We can't just prep a load of Lai Sees beforehand without knowing as everyone should get a different amount right?

Can anyone give advice on how much approx. is okay for each?

Also, how much is acceptable for the opening door ceremony?
We hear they have to be in lucky numbers, but are we talking 100s or 1000s?
This will be coming out of our own pocket, and we are concerned it will be way over what we can budget for.
Is it reasonable for the bride to instruct the bridal party on how much they should end their negotiations with?

How overwhelming this all is!

Really appreciate your advice
Thanks in advance

[PDLM]

How overwhelming this all is!

So why bother?

[anothercanuck]

I'm assuming since you're asking, that you're not Chinese...in which case, no one will expect you to follow all the quaint superstitions of a local person...focus on making your day memorable for YOU, and forget the lai see if it's just more added stress...

Sent from my GT-I9000 using GeoClicks Mobile

[Drunken Master]

If you are smart you can earn money from the wedding banquet.

Cash inflow:
Restaurant: 12 persons X hkd 500 (minimum) = 6000 up
Hotel: 12 X hkd 800 (minimum) = 9600 up

If you can keep the wedding banquet cheap enough then you can earn money. In restaurants there are banquets 4/5k up including drinks and service charge. Hotels 6/7k up.

[chips]

Thanks for the replies:

@PDLM
Preparing for a wedding can be overwhelming itself, so you can say that about getting married in the 1st place then!

@anothercanuck
Being a BBC, a quarter of the guests will be Chinese (many extended family who I can't ask - long story I'll spare you of). The wedding is mixed asian/western customs as it includes an opening door and tea ceremony.

@drunkenmaster
Thanks for advice, but we're not thinking of it being a "money maker" on the lai sees we get. 3/4 of the guests will be western for a start and the banquet is at a hotel. This is already fixed. So we've budgeted for costs on banquet for each guest and anything we may get back in lai sees will be a nice bonus!

Just need to know who bride & grooms usually give lai sees to and approx. how much is sufficient. Esp. at opening door ceremonies. Do the hotel waiters/waitresses and photography crew expect lai sees from all weddings too?

[justjoe86]

Might be best to ask someone in the family who you trust (who knows the traditions) to sort out this kind of thing and write down the expenditure so you can check it over. My mother in law dealt with all these Chinese customs. There was no way I could take a crash course in Chinese culture and work out how to do everything.

I disagree completely with the comment you're not Chinese so don't bother, since I'm sure you'll be receiving substantial sums in red packets from all the guests, so of course its important you follow your part of the traditions too.

[audiot]

i think some of them can be piddly amounts, and realise that you will end up bartering with the girls before they open the door for you to get your wife.

[mr nobody]

They do it because in HK everything is about money

[chips]

I disagree completely with the comment you're not Chinese so don't bother, since I'm sure you'll be receiving substantial sums in red packets from all the guests, so of course its important you follow your part of the traditions too.

I agree with you justjoe86.
We know we have to give some out, but just not sure who to and how much.

No-one in Chinese family close enough or knowledgeable about weddings nowadays (hasn't been wedding in family for long time) to ask unfortunately.

Unfortunately, haven't got the answers we need yet!

[wtbhotia]

I married a local and we did not give out lai see to anyone, if you want the only ones that you give out to is to the Brides posse and to yours. $50-100 is fine, this lai see is for Luck only, not for them to give up work and live a life of luxury