not sure if serious...Absolutely not 1-2. Yes to 3.
The best way is to give DHs a food allowance or include it in the weekly shopping budget and let them get on with it. We don't socialise with the DH at all. In my opinion it's the quickest way possible to a confused, unhappy employer employee relationship.
The DH cooks the food when asked and serves the food she doesn't sit down have a good chat and eat the food. Nor do they want to sit down and be ignored while everyone else is chatting freely and being relaxed and normal.
This is where people who have never had DH go wrong when they get help for the first time. Then they start an endless round of complaining about the DH attitude, 'a real madam" "she doesnt seem to know who is the boss" "everything I do for her and this is what I get" "she always has a better idea everytime I tell her to do something" "Im spending a fortune on cheese..." "she seems to think Im working for her" blah blah blah it's to be heard loud and clear at every expat gathering across Hong Kong and mostly with maid in ear shot too. Because when they get guests guess what? The maid is suddenly eating in Kitchen.
Of course they don't know where they stand, this is your own fault.
Those DH love to abuse the cheese purchasing. Absolutely love it.