miserable

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  1. #31

    Just a note on air travel if you do decide to go back to Australia...

    Both Qantas and Cathay allow a pregnant woman to fly up to 36 weeks i.e. up to the end of your 35th week. You just need a doctors note confirming a low risk pregnancy and expected date of delivery.

    I am also 8.5 months pregnant (i.e. 34 weeks) and also possibly flying home next week. (Remember a full term pregnancy is actually about 10 months - you are due to give birth by the END of the 9th month, not the beginning)

    Good luck, regardless. Just concentrate on your beautiful baby.

    Last edited by RachRobin; 20-06-2008 at 10:31 PM.

  2. #32

    Do you have a family member (mum, sister or favourite cousin) that can come and stay with you while you work out what to do? You're feeling very lonely and isolated and could really do with someone around you that knows you and loves you.

    I hated being pregnant and thousands of miles away from home with only my husbands family for company. You go through so many emotions being pregnant and being lonely at the same time is horrible I know. It isn't just local men that can be difficult, my husband couldn't understand why I was so irrational when I was pregnant and back then he didn't want to understand either. It's taken a lot of work and patience (a friggin lot from me) but 10 years later we're still together and very happy. That said, it does need the both of you to want to be together and to make it work.

    I really do feel for you. We're here if you need to vent.


  3. #33

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    I apologize if I am being insensitive:

    1. I strongly urge the OP to seek psychiatric help. You sound severely depressed.
    2. Get psychiatric help.
    3. Go now.


  4. #34

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    sad...but..

    I sympathise like everyone else on this forum.

    You seem to be in an emotional wreck and you need to get out of this rutt.

    Like some of the suggestions, get someone from your family e.g. mother, sister etc. to come and help you see through the pregnancy and birth. That should be your pirority for now.

    As much as I always tell people, try really hard to make your marriage work, it takes two to tango. Eventually, if both parties cannot compromise then one has to call it quits.

    Sounds like your hubby is a insecure person if he sees everyone in a negative stance incl his family.

    Focus on the baby. Ask yourself, as hard as it is to be a single mother, do you want your child to grow up like his/her father ?

    As hard as it sounds, you have to plan your next steps and plan accordingly.

    I have been through a divorce myself and seeked help from counselling etc. It does work and will make you feel better.

    No matter how bad you feel and how helpless you feel, you will get through it. Time is the best healer and amazingly you will come out stronger.

    If you want to make the marriage work then sit him down, probably with a mutual friend. Tell him how you really, really feel. Print out this thread and show him ! Ask him if he is willing to work with you on counselling. If he doesn;t then walk away.

    You do not want to bring up you child in an environment where the father is insecure and the mother is on a constant back foot and in a state of depression.

    Good luck, and god bless you. Remember, only you can make the decision. But you will get through this. Keep up your chin.


  5. #35

    Join Date
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    Admittedly your situation doesn't sound great but you are the only one that can change things. With the birth of your baby coming up you are facing a huge life change which is probably compounding the situation because although he sounds like a bit of a sh*t to me, he is probably a bit freaked out about the whole thing too.

    I think you need to focus all your attention on yourself and your baby and try not to dwell on him too much right now. He may not like you socialising but you are his wife not his prisoner so why not remind him of that by getting out and meeting people that can support you at this time.

    Do you have an ante natal group?

    Is there a course at the YWCA you could do?
    English Speaking Members Department - Hong Kong YWCA

    Good luck to you, at this point I really hope the baby changes him for the better and makes him less selfish.

    If not then you have no choice but to leave. Better to have a broken marriage than to be miserable for the rest of your life.

    Last edited by larac; 21-06-2008 at 01:41 PM.

  6. #36

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    If you don't mind me asking, how did he feel when he found out you were pregnant ?

    I was in a similar situation where I was dating my GF for barely a year and and she got pregnant.

    I can tell you that men go through a difficult phase when they unexpectedly find out they are going to be a father. It's often easy for women to disregard our feelings or opinions and making the pregnancy just about them and only including us when they feel like it.

    I'll try to explain to you what I went through so that maybe you can get an idea about what's really going on inside your husband's head. I have a few friends that felt the exact same way that I did so it is probably safe to say that most men in this situation feel this way.

    There are 2 major life changing decisions to make when this happens. First decision is about being a father, or not. Second is the mother of our child is the woman we want to spend the rest of our lives with. We may not have a choice on deciding to keep the child or not, but we definitely have a choice when it comes to taking responsibility or not.

    It's hard to describe the feeling. I felt scared, confused, helpless, unsure, excited, worried all at the same time. The scale all of these emotions hitting me all at the same time made me push myself away from my fiance and everyone else. It was tough to deal with all these emotions I had, let alone have to deal with my pregnant finance's emotions. I could not be there for her emotionally because I was at the point of having a nervous breakdown. Thoughts were racing through my head, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to talk to anyone, period.

    It's not that I would question myself on wether I was going to be a good father or anything because I know I was going to be.
    I think most of the emotions us men feel is mostly about the woman that is going to be the mother of our child. Don't get me wrong, I totally love her but deciding on spending my life with someone involves more thought that how I felt about her. I needed to consider if she was going to be able make the level of commitment to me as I would for her.

    It took me 3 months to come to accept the pregnancy as a good thing and once this happened, I was able to set aside my confusions and doubts and be there for her and the baby 100%. I was able to treat her with all the love and affection that she wanted, and she was able to treat me with all the love, respect and appreciation that I needed. Now we had to decide on how to tell my parents!!

    It was hard for both of us in the beginning. It took a lot of patience and surrender from my end, but I did not mind because always she let me know I was appreciated and loved. I could be that you do not see how much he has given up for you wether it be his ideals or dreams.

    I think that things will change for the better once the baby comes. You are almost there just stay with it. I know its hard for you to deal with, but I would avoid any advice you've been given to separate from your husband or deny him the opportunity to be a great father to your child. It could be truth when he says you don't appreciate him enough. You might want to consider his feelings and try not to give him any reasons to resent you. It really sounds like you guys got married only because of the baby.

    When you say

    " he's extremely protective/unreasonable and will not let me have many friends, definately not guys. I used to happy and outgoing, I like to go out with friends and party etc but those days are long gone, he'll never let me out by myself."

    You are a married woman now. It sounds like you expect to be able to do things as if you were single. You are a married and pregnant woman who wants to go out and party with guys by yourself. I can see why he would have a problem with this. Maybe you should invite him to come along and socialize with you.

    "I dont know what is so great that he's provided for me. Even though I'm now 8 months pregnant, I still catch a cab and then change MTR to goto work. He makes meals for me but I'd usually need to wait until 10 to eat and so far this week, I got spagetti, minced beaf mixed with tomato egg and rice, fried noodles and a takeaway. "

    Read what wrote and try to think about how unappreciative it would sound if he said that about you.

    He might not be your prince charming, but you aren't exactly his cinderella either. You both hold a lot of resentment towards each other and sounds like you both contribute to it. That is something you both should have worked on before getting married, but I don't think you should give up yet. After the baby is born, you will both have a common interest that will help mend your relationship if you let it. I think its critical for you not to make any implications that the baby is yours any more than it is his. If you can do this then I promise you that your relationship will improve.

    Last edited by lakai; 21-06-2008 at 02:59 PM.

  7. #37

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    Quote Originally Posted by RachRobin:
    Just a note on air travel if you do decide to go back to Australia...

    Both Qantas and Cathay allow a pregnant woman to fly up to 36 weeks i.e. up to the end of your 35th week. You just need a doctors note confirming a low risk pregnancy and expected date of delivery.

    I am also 8.5 months pregnant (i.e. 34 weeks) and also possibly flying home next week. (Remember a full term pregnancy is actually about 10 months - you are due to give birth by the END of the 9th month, not the beginning)

    Good luck, regardless. Just concentrate on your beautiful baby.
    10 month pregnancy? You are sure in for a surprise next month. 9 months is 39 weeks not 36 weeks.

  8. #38

    I said ABOUT 10 months (i.e. 40 weeks is counted as a full term pregnancy).

    Regardless of you splitting hairs, you CAN FLY up to 36 weeks. I am trying to offer useful advice to this poor person, not dumb sarcasm.


  9. #39

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    Try to get back to Australia with your family for a while.....you should not be getting yourself stressed like this . It is not good for the baby and not good for you. Your needs come first right now and he should understand this. DO you have someone at work that you can talk to? He will not change. Does your family know what is going on here? Can they talk to him?


  10. #40

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    Quote Originally Posted by RachRobin:

    Regardless of you splitting hairs, you CAN FLY up to 36 weeks. I am trying to offer useful advice to this poor person, not dumb sarcasm.
    If it's your first pregnancy, I wouldn't risk it though. My kids were all born at 34-36 weeks.