Thanking the person that pays the bill

[Sophienaz]

Hello,

I'm so confused, please somebody explain this to me.

My boss has taken the whole team out twice for Dim Sum lunch, and everytime after he paid, nobody and I mean nobody thanked him. I am the only westerner in the team and I couldn't help myself, I thanked him each time and he went all wierd and embarrassed on me.

And recently I took two of my colleagues out for dinner to repay for their kindness in helping me in my research, and after I paid the bill, neither of them thanked me.

Ok, am I being thick? Is it considered rude to thank the person who pays the bill? If so,please tell me so I can avoid another dreadful social faux-pas.

Thanks,
Sophie

[KnowItAll]

I must say its very odd. No matter who picked up the tab or paid for it (individual or the company) in my office (equal number of locals / expats) there was always a thank you ... or an offer to reciprocate the next time.

[PDLM]

When the boss takes the team out (particularly if the boss is the head of the company then I think there's an assumption that the company is paying and that this is no different from any other company event. Do you thank your boss for organising sandwiches for your working lunch?

[lionrock88]

When the boss takes the team out (particularly if the boss is the head of the company

All the more reason to thank the boss. Assuming, he's the sole owner, the company's money is his money, so it's money literally out of his own pocket to treat the staff.

Whereas a middle manager who is treating his team using company money is not paying out of his own pocket.

In either case, I think it would be a nice gesture to thank whoever is paying. It seems to me the OP's colleagues are ungrateful and take things for granted.

[PDLM]

My other observation is that most people would prefer not to have "forced" meals with the boss. They are there because the boss invited them (which is tantamount to an instruction) not because they want to be.

Company annual parties are much the same - people come because it is seen as compulsory, and they leave as soon as they possibly can - immediately after the lucky draw has happened if you have one.

The local staff will have many lunch and other informal social events to which the gwailos aren't invited. Those are the ones they enjoy.

[KnowItAll]

Dunno, I'm of the opinion that an extra thank you never hurts anyone, even if its their job. Say thank you or bye to the regular mini bus driver, the bar staff, taxi driver, cleaners or even the doorman in the office building who hold the lift open for an extra 3 seconds.

Office catered lunch boxes - thank the admin who ordered them ... offer a complement that it was a good choice.

What I've sort of discovered is when you thank people, they take more notice of your complaints.

[DanielandHayley]

I am of the believe that you should always say thank you to somebody if they have done something for you, given you something, provided a service, or simply when giving you your change at 7/11. It shouldn't matter whether the person paying for your meal is your boss or not or whether it is someones job or not...manners don't cost a penny!

[beachball]

offer a complement that it was a good choice.

Hope I get this in before FOTH beats me to it: The term is "compliment." "Complement means something else

[KnowItAll]

Pedants ... all of you ....

You're welcome.

[er2]

Sophie,

you're at CityU, right? It is common for professors here to take out their group for lunch and, just like in your case, I'm the only one saying "thank you" afterwards. I'm not sure whether he actually pays for this (professors here get lots of perks, there are at least seven staff clubs on campus).

It is customary in the department that you invite out group members for dinner if you got a paper published in a significant journal. Also there, noone says thank you. To the contrary, I more than once observed the boss teasing the student about whether he'll order the really expensive stuff on the menu. Like "Hey, that was a PRL, you should at least get us some seafood". Would be a no-no at home, but here, everyone seems to be fine with it.

As a general advice, as long as you are sure that what you're doing cannot be totally misunderstood, just stick to what you yourself consider good manners. I doubt any of us here will ever fully understand all the rules of chinese etiquette, and therefore I wouldn't even try to pretend. Just don't be disappointed if you don't get the same treatment in return