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Should I get a Confinement Lady or a Helper?

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  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2015
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    Should I get a Confinement Lady or a Helper?

    Hi,

    I'm from the US, but of Asian descent. Having my 1st baby in December.

    Can anyone share their experience with using confinement ladies? Are there many that speak basic English or Putonghua (I don't speak Cantonese)? If I don't totally follow the Asian traditions (and probably won't eat the Chinese soups they would cook) and really like my cold drinks, will this lady be helpful at all or just annoy a new mom like me?

    Am I better off just hiring a helper? If so, what are the best ways to do this? Via an agency (if so, any recommendations?) or just on the classified pages like on this page where helpers post for new employers? How does procuring the visa, etc. for the helper work?

    Any guidance would be helpful!

    Thanks



  2. #2

    Join Date
    Oct 2014
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    4,188

    Congrats!

    I have ABC/BBC friends who really clashed with their confinement nannies. They can be very pushy. I don't know the traditions but one friend said she fought hers over CN insisting on formula and trying to give t to the baby when mom was asleep - mom was breastfeeding.

    You can consider a maternity nurse who is a Western-medicine trained nurse who stays overnight for short term jobs with a newborn. Try a nanny agency like Rent-A-Mum or maybe a midwife clinic like Annerley.

    A helper is a long term option but their main job isn't overnight baby care so you'd need to recruit one specifying that's what you want. Not all will be suited to or keen on that job.


  3. #3

    Join Date
    May 2006
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    I doubt many speak English and only a few speak Putonghua. If you're not going to drink the soups and insist on cold drinks, then probably not a good idea, because all will say that soups are a must and cold drinks are absolutely prohibited.

    Finding a helper willing to take care of a newborn may be a bit challenging, so start looking now.


  4. #4

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    Dec 2009
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    I'd never heard of this but it sounds to me like hiring a confinement lady is basically paying to have my mother-in-law follow you around telling you how shit you are.

    If I'm correct in this assessment I would strongly advise against it!

    hullexile, AGxM, jgl and 7 others like this.

  5. #5

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    I have never heard of a confinement lady, is this a Chinese thing? What do they do?

    East_coast likes this.

  6. #6

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    Wrong side of the door to hell
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    A 'confinement lady' sounds awful. You aren't and shouldn't be confined to anything.

    If you feel you need some 21st C support, try a Doula.

    https://www.google.com.hk/search?num....0.sEMyUw2fBNw

    shri likes this.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Oct 2014
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    Quote Originally Posted by hullexile:
    I have never heard of a confinement lady, is this a Chinese thing? What do they do?
    Yes it's a Chinese thing. An older lady who makes nutritious food for the mother and helps care for the baby overnight so mother can rest. Their ability to make lactation-supportive soups is one of their big selling points.
    hullexile and imparanoic like this.

  8. #8

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    I don't think that confinement ladies work overnight, but otherwise agree with that.

    We've had a completely fine experience with one, but were careful with the interview process to choose someone who had a personality fit. Hiring a mother/mother-in-law was the last thing either of us wanted.


  9. #9

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    Oct 2014
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    Quote Originally Posted by jgl:
    I don't think that confinement ladies work overnight, but otherwise agree with that.
    Both are available actually. Full time (incl overnight) for a top "pui yet" goes for $40K a month, I've been quoted this recently by a pregnant friend searching for one.
    jgl likes this.

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Jun 2004
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    HK
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    OK - lots of assumption as always on here - so personal experience - First hand:

    If you have the $ take both.

    - Confinement lady (can be hired 24/24 7/7 or a few hours a day, several times a week etc - you decide) - is helpful in cooking the right food for the woman to recover post delivery. Some westerns hit the gym to and get a personal coach to get fit and healhly again, Chinese, get a confinement lady. Can be as "cheap" as 9-10k a month (6hs a day). They are pro and any good one wont insist on anything at all (re formula BS or whatever) but will work with you and be a good help for a month.

    - Get the helper for all the rest + the confinement lady can teach her how to cook the special food so she can keep doing it a few weeks after.

    One month imho for the confinement lady is enough. Many do have some English skills.

    If you have no support, ie no family around and are working, it's well worth it.


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