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Is my wedding too expensive?

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  1. #11

    Join Date
    Apr 2012
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    115

    Will be having another go at trying to do away with the dowry completely, but fianceé is worried her family will think I’m cheap (I’m no millionaire lol so that’s accurate). Just worried the future in-laws would hold a grudge down the line, and in the grand scheme of things would ruining that relationship be worth 88k?

    anyhow I’m willing to be the big man and negotiate it down to 38888 (which I heard is more common with the younger generation)..wish me luck!

    chuckster007 and Mrs. Jones like this.

  2. #12

    Join Date
    Apr 2012
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    115

    It’s exactly the opportunity cost that’s driving this uncertainty..but on the other end if you get married once why not do it properly right?

    my only hope is that the (future) wife is happy (as well as her fam) and looking back the 600k would be a fraction of what could come!


  3. #13

    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    115

    My wedding will be in a private garden so I’m not sure if I’ll receive anything close to 1000, (apparently people pay according to where the venue is, with hotels receding the biggest red pockets).

    hopefully the red pockets can at least cover the dowry!

    MABinPengChau likes this.

  4. #14

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
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    Tri-State
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    11,644
    Quote Originally Posted by Alzthehero:
    in the grand scheme of things would ruining that relationship be worth 88k?
    That question should be posed to you future MIL as well.


    You're duty is to ensure the best possible future for your family. If eating the cost the dowry and wedding accomplishes this goal, this is what you do. If allocating the funds earmarked for the wedding to other things accomplishes this, you choose this.

    How you communicate this to outside parties will go a long way in setting the tone of your life-long relationship with the in-laws.

    N.B. The relationship with the in-laws is an evolving thing. Maybe they think you're cheap because you opt for a low-cost wedding - but then come to respect you years later when you can afford to send your kid(s) to the best schools.

    Getting off on the right foot is important but don't let that put you in a hole for the future. Play the long game. Always play the long game.
    Last edited by huja; 27-09-2022 at 10:27 PM.

  5. #15

    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Posts
    118

    If you make 2.5M a year, then 600K for the wedding is ok.

    Otherwise it’s way too expensive (even if you’re marrying Miss Hong Kong)


  6. #16

    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    115
    Quote Originally Posted by huja:
    That question should be posed to you future MIL as well.


    You're duty is to ensure the best possible future for your family. If eating the cost the dowry and wedding accomplishes this goal, this is what you do. If allocating the funds earmarked for the wedding to other things accomplishes this, you choose this.

    How you communicate this to outside parties will go a long way in setting the tone of your life-long relationship with the in-laws.

    N.B. The relationship with the in-laws is an evolving thing. Maybe they think you're cheap because you opt for a low-cost wedding - but then come to respect you years later when you can afford to afford to send your kid(s) to the best schools.

    Getting off on the right foot is important but don't let that put you in a hole for the future. Play the long game. Always play the long game.
    well said, very powerful perspective. Feel very empowered now to talk to my FILs, thanks!
    Mrs. Jones likes this.

  7. #17

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Tri-State
    Posts
    11,644

    If the dowry is a sticking point, offer this . . .

    Tell the MIL you will put $88k in some sort tax-deferred education savings fund**. When that fund is used for your child's schooling in the future, tell the child that the $88k + interest came from Grandma because she wanted to help give her grandchild the best possible education.

    You get to put that money toward something useful. Grandma earns big face and looks like a hero. Everybody wins.



    **The type of fund I'm referring to in is called a 529 Plan in the U.S. It can be opened before a child is born. Not sure there is the equivalent in HK.


  8. #18

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    11,884

    600K is not too far off the ballpark for a kid's high school education in the private schooling system.

    Last edited by jgl; 27-09-2022 at 10:45 PM.
    Alzthehero and Mrs. Jones like this.

  9. #19

    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    6,745

    In addition to seeking advice here , try to get more sophisticated by reading this book

    https://www.amazon.com/Money-Harmony...s%2C432&sr=8-1

    Alzthehero likes this.

  10. #20

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    猴山
    Posts
    23,652

    Total costs

    • Registration fee (fixed): HK$305
    • Ceremony at the Marriage Registry (working days): HK$715

    If you book a slot after lunch in the registry office there is no delay so you can do it your lunch time so you don't even miss a days holiday

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