Do you think by getting married is 'doing the right thing'?

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  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
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    115

    Do you think by getting married is 'doing the right thing'?

    Hi all,
    I've read many a post in this forum that the so-called de facto/common law partner inquires about how to get a dependent visa while their long term partner relocates to HK. I can understand that it may take years to get to know someone really well enough to make the life time commitment(by getting married). But anybody cares to share the rationale behind a 10 or more year stable de facto relationship(especially where kids are involved)? I'm trying not to sound offensive to anyone here. People may argue that their staying together is solid commitment enough. A piece of paper won't change anything. Then what is stopping you to get married officially? Especially if you come from a country where common law partner is protected by law in the same manner as in a real marriage. Personally I'd call getting married is doing the right thing. But I'm ready to change my perspective/improve my ignorance if it can be proved otherwise. Thanks for sharing your thoughts...


  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
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    Personally the perspective idea depends on where you were raised and the society that influences/accepts it.

    In my opinion, I don't have a problem with de facto relationships, as its quiet a common occurrence back in Australia, and from the many couples I've met who fall under that category, they all have various reasons for why they chose not to be married as such.

    Legally if there is no difference, and when you ask majority of people who live under a common law partnership, they usually say that their relationship does not need a certificate, or a religion to base their relationship upon.. They are quiet content that the basis of them being together, is because they love each other, and it's just an alternative to the Victorian/Religious banner of life long cohabitation.

    As to trying to imply that one is anymore meaningful than the other, well that's a debate that could never be won, as some of the coolest most modern thinking people I know back in Australia, who were all doing well in their career's etc, power couples, one of them is in the top 200 richest people in Australia; she breeds Arabian thoroughbreds ( Horses ), he's a corporate business brainiac, and a recreational helicopter pilot, who has raised money for charity via long distance endurance flights. Great people in my book...

    Neither version of partnership is better, it's just a matter of what works for you, and what substance in your pairing you base togetherness on, some people value/need a certificate or token, to signify their commitment together, some don't...

    It's irrelevant here in HK though, as only marriage is recognised ....

    My $2.00hkd worth

    Last edited by Skyhook; 25-02-2009 at 11:22 AM.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    4,043

    Doing the right thing for some is the formal marriage. Nothing wrong with that. My circumstances were different and I think I did the right thing. I have been in my only live together common law marriage recognized as such by the Canadian government for over 30 years while my married brothers and sister have had for various reasons changed partners at least once either their choice or their partners.

    The truth for my wife and I was this: she had two kids from her first marriage and had committed not to change their names ever when her first husband died in a motor vehicle crash in a blinding rainstorm. The oldest boy wanted us to marry and use my name as would my wife. It became clear that it'd be simpler not to marry and just have my name different from the rest. It was fine.

    In a neigbourhood where wife swapping and swinging parties were going on with some of the soccer and baseball parents (I coached their kids) and about half single parent families my wife and I (non-participants) were considered pillars of the community even without a marriage licence.

    My parents when younger were religious but they were also realists and never criticized any of us for our living arrangements. What they wanted was for each of us to be happy.

    When you look at the rate of failure of marriages including the rate of failing second marriages, it makes you wonder how many times can folks say "until death do us part" with a straight face.

    I can tell you from what our sons told us growing up and even today is that we were respected by their teenage friends as good family people and parents as both my wife and I were active in their activities and sports and kids knew them and us.


  4. #4

    Join Date
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    Also depends on your parents, like for in my case, constantly told its time to get married, if you dont find someone, we will find one for you. the bad thing about getting married in my home counrty is that your other half (wife) would still not be entitled to the house or land if the husband died as females dont have this right, thats why usually weddings are just ceremonial with a priest who does the blessing and no papers are signed.


  5. #5
    fm7

    My brother married young and divorced young. He met his partner over 20 years ago, they don't have kids and they are very happy together - everyone treats them "like a married couple." My wife and I married within a year of meeting each and we've been together for over 14 years now. We waited 7 years before starting a family and she didn't change her name.

    Both my brother and I feel like we are "doing the right thing," even though we've made quite different choices.

    As for the original question. For some folks getting married to meet a visa requirement might be the right thing, or it might be a horribly wrong thing. Depends on the circumstances.