Wedding Dowry

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  1. #11

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    My advice is buy second hand. The tax is already paid and I only had to stand my wives family dinner. Result !


  2. #12
    Mat
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    anyway the money remains in the family so it is not a very big deal in my opinion (unless you are really tight budgetwise)


  3. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mat
    anyway the money remains in the family so it is not a very big deal in my opinion (unless you are really tight budgetwise)
    you're right, some times it's not the amount of money that important, plus that fact that the grooms family gives out gold jewelry to the bride anyway so it works both ways.

    reminds me of the hsbc ads ( in uk anyway) about different culture wedding customs, eg, in malta, the couple need to give gift to the guest...

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by imparanoic
    eg, in malta, the couple need to give gift to the guest...
    Definitely not going there to get married.

  5. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by geo-seb
    Yes, the whole getting married to a local girl process can get pretty weird. But I know several caucasians (myself included) who got through it without any big problems.
    G-seb, right you are.
    And not fair to overgeneralise.

    Just that - in this friend's case - he ALREADY didn't get along with his girl's mum (who is, apparently, as traditional as Chinese mothers can be).

    Little things like - the way he held his chopsticks, stabbed them neatly into dimsum beef balls in front of all, didn't quite get what she was saying, thus couldn't reply on his own... Or, when he, unwittingly, let slip a Chinese expletive while meaning, entirely, another utterance in his early, earnest attempts at Canto... annoyed the ole lady no end... Basically, NOT an easy customer "to please". (Only after she held lovely grandson in her arms, did she "mellow a bit"!)

    Compared to the OP's situation - tho' totally unknown (oops, further presumptions!) - will probably be a piece o' cake Hang in there...
    Last edited by emmie; 15-04-2009 at 03:48 PM.

  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by emmie
    G-seb, right you are.
    And not fair to overgeneralise.

    Just that - in this friend's case - he ALREADY didn't get along with his girl's mum (who is, apparently, as traditional as Chinese mothers can be).

    Little things like - the way he held his chopsticks, stabbed them neatly into dimsum beef balls in front of all, didn't quite get what she was saying, thus couldn't reply on his own... Or, when he, unwittingly, let slip a Chinese expletive while meaning, entirely, another utterance in his early, earnest attempts at Canto... annoyed the ole lady no end... Basically, NOT an easy customer "to please". (Only after she held lovely grandson in her arms, did she "mellow a bit"!)

    Compared to the OP's situation - tho' totally unknown (oops, further presumptions!) - will probably be a piece o' cake Hang in there...
    None of that sounds necessarily like a "Chinese" problem ... in-laws are a problem world over I think!

  7. #17

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    Moving - True.

    All too true


  8. #18

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    Golden parachute

    First off, I was just as shocked to realize that I had to do this as well. At the time, my budget didn't allow for an extra 20K or more. And I was hemorrhaging cash trying to pay for everything else. Fortunately, my wife gave her own parents the money, which she got back in gold bracelets, which have not seen the light of day since we put them in a safe deposit box.

    I guess what I'm trying to get at in a round about way is that it's more of a symbolic gesture than a financial one. They're generally not taking the money from you, but they're converting it to gold so that your new family will have a golden parachute.

    As I've come to realize over the years, Chinese culture is brutally practical. Welcome to it.


  9. #19

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    >> They're generally not taking the money from you, but they're
    >> converting it to gold so that your new family will have a golden
    >> parachute.

    Gold is pretty much used the same way in Indian families too.


  10. #20
    Mat
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    I admit that it can seem very material to foreigners (the first time I was like WTF...) then you realise it is just a tradition and actually the money will flow back and forth (same with the banquet where you actually pay the food but it is mostly if not totally covered by the lai see you receive)

    Bad or good, end of the day each country / community has its tradition.... trying to enforce yours won't do any good....just go with the flow....contrary to what many people think, Chinese wedding are actually a lot of fun (not really the banquet but the whole stuff that occurs before that...comb ceremony, baraginig with the mother in law for the bride, games with the best men / brides maid, Tea ceremony, Picture time.....all in all...good fun.

    End


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