Domestic Helpers using your apartment

[er2]

I find it weird who the discussion evolves around the semantic definition of the word "home" and not so much around the fact that as the employer of a live-in DH, you're able to control the DH's private life inside her room outside her work hours by simply "strictly disallow them to bring anyone home".

Since there are apparently some dotters here who aren't able to remember where this discussion started from - my above remark was referring to the one I quote below. I find this a rather shitty attitude, and I think forbidding any of your employees to have private visitors _ever_ is significantly more important than whether this employee can call her room her "home".

I guess it's all up to the individual. I personally would not allow this, sorry for being harsh but we have friends that got burned badly by their maid. I rather be safe than to regret afterwards. We have one live in maid too and we strictly disallowed her bringing anyone home. We remind her each time when we go away. Yah! we are not here to check on her! but we have good conciere working to our favour. I am sure your maid has other options to house the children. By the way are they coming over for holiday? Good luck.

[ray98]

nor would I expect someone I just met to give me a bed for the night.

Errr.....usually, its the other way around after a night out...

[ray98]

Your standing is devalued by being a Manure fan. This is obviously a crime against humanity - though as you are one of the few who actually lived nearby your sentence may be reduced to life in Milton Keynes.

Despite I am glad that fate decided I was to be a Man U fan, the choice wasn't exactly a footballing decision, punishment on the playground and peer pressure had a lot to do with it!

[emmie]

While you may not want to open your (shared?) home up for all and sundry, I think there is some give and take to be had. My first thought from the OP's query was: Why aren't you just sending your helper to their family home for Christmas? Maybe you have pets to look after.

Was wondering the same.

From knowing a few domestic helpers, personally - though not as an employer myself - many of them have young kids they've had to leave behind, whom they worry over, long for, especially around the holidays.

It is reasonable for her, the DH, to approach the OP to ask what she did, and, in turn, just as reasonable for her 'employer' to reply 'no'.

However, IF it's a 'no, not this time' coz, for instance, 'we're rather new at this thing AND fresh to HK & all', perhaps the OP and helper could carry on chatting 'bout the possibilities next time round - other school hols/arrangements? At least, get wind of what's on the other's mind?

Relationships... never easy.
But doesn't always have to be this hard.

Up to you. No criticism meant.

Best luck.

[ray98]

I think the OP as an employer is entitled to just say No.

Like my mum when in my youth I asked why couldn't have girlfriends stay over - she said this may be my home but it was her house

[hullexile]

I think the OP as an employer is entitled to just say No.

Like my mum when in my youth I asked why couldn't have girlfriends stay over - she said this may be my home but it was her house

I don't think anyone will argue with the fact that the OP has the right to say no and in the end it has to be what he or she is comfortable with whatever we all might say is the right/sensible thing to do. If she is not comfortable with letting the kids stay and for some reason can't send the DH home then she should say no. If the DH doesn't like it she can leave at some stage in the future.

[UK/HKboy]

i agree in parts to what most people have advised.

it does depend on the OP and whether she trusts to her DH. However, does she trust her DH's family?

i am sure the OP has no problems with the DH staying at home on her own. but it is the problem with having her family to stay as well.

there is a risk that one of them is the black sheep of the family... would he steal something? run illegal activities?

even if that is far fetched, having more people in the flat espcially some who don't know their way around and dont know how things like the cooker or washing machine etc work just raises the probability of a disaster.

there would probably be no problems at all. but if the OP came back and found that the flat had flooded or burnt down because one of the sons didnt turn off the cooker properly, she would be regetting it all her life. what can she do? fire the DH? make her pay back damages?

[md23]

i'll have to side with Hull on this one. our helper's husband has stayed in our HOME 3 times in the past. the last time was for 6 weeks when my family and i were away for 4 of those weeks. my helper has also asked to invite a friend to spend the night. i had met the friend when we lived in db and had no problem at all with this arrangement. it gave them a lot more time to visit.

we have not had any problems with either situation.

as for home vs not home....i can only hope that our helper considers our home to be her home too. otherwise, what a sad situation. she's been with us for over 4 years, if she didn't have a little niche to call home, that would not be acceptable to me.

If your home is really her home as well, would she have to ask for your permission before bringing anyone in?