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getting stressed, need your help here please

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  1. #11

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    True, most of the local wife spend around 3-4k a month expenses, 10k is way too much! You should talk to her, then you can save 5k more!
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  2. #12

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    Very good advice from the responses so far.

    You probably don't need anyone to tell you this, however since you are obviously in distress over this issue, I'll go ahead and say it, but please try not to be confrontational towards your wife about this issue when you do bring it up with her, or she might feel as though you are pushing her into corner (she may well go on the defensive anyway)

    Not for nothing, but at least one of you needs to keep a cool head when working this out, and I am purely guessing here that she will not. You know best what you will say to her and how, so all the best and don't forget to let us know how it goes.

    P.S. - That is a lot of money for groceries...


  3. #13

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    But be sure to listen to your wife too tho and not just tell her things need to change - life as an expat wife is not necessarily a happy one regardless of how much shopping she does, lunches she has... She's away from home and family, raising a child without a family support network, whilst you're working long hours. She may be very lonely. No judgements here, just saying, like Dreadnought, keep a cool head when talking to her...communication is key...


  4. #14

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    Agree the 20k is a lot for groceries. I give my wife 15k a month for all household (AND CLOTHES) shopping but that is for SIX of us and includes her personal shopping. On top I guess I spend another 5K. She also saves money from what I give her and if I am short will come up with money.

    Just sit down with your wife, explain the budget and that is all the money you have. There is no more, no magic solution. In a non-confrontational way as others have said. Even do it apologetically. Say you wish you could give her everything she deserves

    P.S. My wife also complains but (mostly) she is joking. In her marriage vows she added "as long as he gives me money for shopping" (true).

    P.P.S. The trick is to mix with people who earn less than you then she will feel better off - works for me.

    Last edited by hullexile; 24-05-2010 at 06:13 PM.

  5. #15

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    All good posts and worthy advise.
    But also spend some time thinking if money is the issue here. Your wife might be complaining that she has less to spend, but that could be because she wants to make up for things she might feel shes loosing out on; being overseas and all. Spending a lot might be her way of venting out.... make sure money IS the core issue before your decide to bring it up with her.


  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreadnought:
    You probably don't need anyone to tell you this, however since you are obviously in distress over this issue, I'll go ahead and say it, but please try not to be confrontational towards your wife about this issue when you do bring it up with her, or she might feel as though you are pushing her into corner (she may well go on the defensive anyway)

    Not for nothing, but at least one of you needs to keep a cool head when working this out...
    Well put.

    At the end of the day, when you and your wife sit down and discuss as 'a family', the common goal you both seek is to try to make one another content and comfortable if not happy - with the current and future interests of your beloved young one in mind. She'll surely come to see that, even if, initially, she gets defensive and takes your 'let's talk' and pointing out 'a few areas for improvement' the wrong way. She'll see, eventually.

    As others have said, you know what's really going on.

    Go ahead - communicate, showing the empathy and deep concern you already feel for her and your kid - your family. All the while keeping cool.

    And stick to your resolve.

    Best regards.

  7. #17

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    To follow up on ArKay's point about listening to your wife, I forgot to add that it might be a good idea if you asked her what she wants, i.e. what would make her happy if she is not satisfied with raising the family as a full-time housewife.

    Obviously she could maintain status quo but would need to compromise (as hullexile said) if she will continue this way, or she could go with gainful employment of some sort (full-time or part-time), have a go at being a business owner, study (not both, since she's a mother and a wife and will want to balance her time between the three) or even some voluntary work (as bak875 said).

    Make it clear to her that she has the power to choose and decide what she wants for herself, and that you will support her no matter what (and you will). I think this way you stand a better chance of achieving a breakthrough rather than a breakdown.

    Keep us posted!

    Last edited by Dreadnought; 24-05-2010 at 06:40 PM.

  8. #18

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    i haven't read all the posts but my thoughts on seeing what you wrote are this:

    1) tell your wife to "get a grip". she is spending money faster than you can make it.
    2) you BOTH have to control your spending. you can't tell her not to spend and then YOU go out and by a laptop, digital camera, new tv etc.
    3) you need to KNOW where your money is going... you have a lot of "misc" expenses... WHAT?
    4) you need to talk to your wife. ask her if she thinks it is more important to live "now" (ie. spend everything you earn) or earn now for a "better time" in the future... you BOTH need to be going in the same direction
    5) there is NO REASON why your wife can't get a job! you say she needs a master's.... WHY? she must have a bachelor's degree, right? she should be able to find SOMETHING....besides, maybe she has forgotten how hard it is to earn the money that is being spent?
    6) she needs to STOP comparing to the "jones's"...sorry don't know the indian equivalent.
    7) if YOU are unhappy then the solution lies with YOU and how to deal with the seemingly conflicting goals that you and your wife have.

    i gotta say... hubby and i both work (self-employed, both of us).
    we have a household of 2 helpers, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 3 rabbits and hubby and i... that's 4 adults, 2 kids, 5 animals...

    we DO NOT EVER spend $8k on "entertainment"... we are LUCKY if we spend $1k/month on that. to me... that is flushing $ down the toilet. we download a lot of TV shows and i occasionally go to SZ and invariably buy a couple of dvds while there.

    you spend a HELL of a lot of $ on FOOD!

    for everyone in our house, we spend about $10k/month (including animals!)

    our rent is slightly more than yours $16.8k/month
    we had a car (getting another VERY old one next week)... that costs us about $1k/month to buy...$2k/month on petrol and another $1k/month on maintenance.

    our kids go to local school...

    i can't remember the last thing i bought for ME...i think hubby is the same. we've even cut the nowtv down to one tv to save a little $...

    mercury_element likes this.

  9. #19

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    agreed with carang, 8k on entertainment is a lot!


  10. #20

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    Yeah sounds like excessive amounts going unchecked into groceries, entertainment and the misc. part.

    Quote Originally Posted by carang:
    ...comparing to the "jones's"...sorry don't know the indian equivalent.
    Keeping up with the Guptas.

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