i get 7k allowance, of which 3000 is mine to spend on whatever, and the rest is for groceries
Husband have another 3000 to spend on eating out and whatever groceries he might buy on his own.
we still manage to save up for holidays and future house while paying off loans,
But being a house-wife is not easy, i struggle - i was bored out of my mind i need to get hobby, learn language, meet people and now trying to start a business just to keep me busy.
so if you work out your budget plan, and your wife get a set amount of allowance - i dont see a problem of her spending within her budget on whatever she choose as long as it within her allowance and I DONT swipe a credit card without my husband permission.
i think work on your budget first, we used to track our spending for 3 months to come up with a proper budget and you'll see where most of your money gone and how you can improve your saving.
talk to your wife listen to her need and what cause her to spend more than you earn then work at it as a family
Obviously it might be best if your wife were working as she would then i.) be contributing to the bottom line, and ii.) have some appreciation for what you go through at work. However, as you indicate that she is essentially not employable in HK let's take the situation as a given.
You provide the following budget:
5k (I keep it aside for tax)
14k rent
10k to wife (for groceries and misc. as a monthly expense)
3k for milk, meat and other groceries that I order online
3k for all the various utilities & bills
8k on entertainment (end up spending 1-2k every weekend on eating out, travelling, shopping)
5k- credit card bills - wife and my shooping, occoasinal lunch, online groceries etc etc
3k- misc- monthly expense-
total 50k
the rest 10k is what i save in a month where we dont end up going somewhere or buying something. my wife stills feels she is a bit tight on expenses and is quiote unhappy.
Although I have some questions about your budgeting techniques (for example, 'credit cards' are not really an expense, but rather a form of payment) I actually like your budget -- if you are sticking to it -- and if you can save $10k, month after month, that isn't bad. Many of the locals could save more on such a salary, however.
So, you really have no apparent problems except a bit of job stress and an unsupportive wife. Your wife has obviously fallen victim to the 'idle tai tai' syndrome, where, lacking a productive outlet for her time, she spends it comparing herself to other 'women of leisure' and wondering why certain others have more bucks then her. One would hope that your wife would be more supportive of your good career. But unfortunately, it is human nature to take for granted what we have and then ask ourselves 'why don't I have all this other stuff?' Your wife assumes that the deal is, she will take care of the kid, while you bring home the bacon. Trouble is, her demands for cash are unconnected to and independent from your ability to supply it.
Everyone is different, and people expect different things from their partners. However, it is certainly reasonable, even necessary, for your wife to be more supportive of you either morally or economically. If your wife is unable to contribute to the family economically, she should definitely be more supportive of the person who is bringing home the bacon, as they say (if you are muslim please forgive my use of that phrase!).
I think you need to have a very serious talk with your wife. Putting it bluntly, the choices are: i.) she learns to accept that you are doing your best (pretty well, actually) and be more supportive, while living within your means, ii.) she return to graduate school in hopes of retooling and re-entering the workforce, and thereby making herself feel better while contributing to the family income, or, iii.) you both decide that things just aren't working out.
I don't see a third option here, unless you want to be harrassed for the rest of your life by a wife who sees you as a source of cash to spend, rather than as a partner over a very long haul.
Last edited by Freetrader; 24-05-2010 at 07:33 PM.
Another option, which I dont think has been mentioned so far, could be for you to stay working in HK and for your wife and kids to go back home. This may not be ideal from a family perspective (though a lot of families do operate like this), but it would certainly help financially.
Lots of good advice above to which I can't add much, but this one is, I feel, particularly important:
If you mix with bankers earning obscene sums of money then you will feel poor. If you mix with people earning even double the average household income here (which would be under $40K) then you will feel much less need to spend for the sake of it.
Your groceries bill is high. And you can have a good time at weekends for a lot less than $2K per weekend if you want.