Quote "MY "simplistic analysis" is based on opinions i have formed from what i have been told from white male friends who WERE married to asian wives"
I don't know you but I am a White ( 53yrs ) male married to an Asian wife ( 40yrs, looks 28, Chinese with HK for 11 yrs, ex Jackie Chan agency model ). I am comfortable, not rich. I had been married 26 yrs when I met her but she was not the reason for a) my divorce b) being in HK.
HOWEVER - My wife, when I had, in the very early months being here, the idea that locals would shag anything that waived a note at them or took them to dinner in a nice bistro, I got a real " in the trenches " lecture.
1) The culture is different and caring for your future and that of your family is paramount. Good looking AW ( asian woman ) if they have the opportunity, will give themselves to wealthy or generous guys ( 99% of whom are AM - asian men ). There is a saying " if you love me buy me a house " . Many good looking women here have many houses. There is a general distrust of Western men because they do not have the same culture of " care for life " as AM do.
2) There is more loss of face for a powerfull man who has married a woman from a " public " family to divorce. So many many many men here have one or more than one mistress or " other wife ".
The history of SOHO and Hollywood Road is based on mistress culture but is not a pollution of HK rather than an assimilation.
3) The " short time " culture of WanChai and LKF is pretty exclusive to the traders and singles that hunt in packs , not just here but all over the world. The rules are well known and some poor saps can get sucked in to believing that " love you long time " really means something. But these are sad and lonely people who pay high prices for and hour or so of solace.
4) Western people really ought to take the time to sit down and learn the culture here from those who live it every day. No one bats an eye at a girl having a boyfriend ( young, old, married or single ) that has money and will care for them. An AW wife will accept at some level and MOST AM in the high / middle earning and star bracket carry on this way. Many wives are friendly with the " other wife ". It works the same way for AW but being a mans world is not a generally accepted.
I have hours of stories about people and celebs you would not believe if I couldn't prove it to be absoloutely true. The only rule is that the " arrangement " is not overtly public to bring a loss of face on any part of the family ( s ).
However two simple example.
An extremely rich AM ( widowed ) was having dinner with a very rich AM ( married ) who had his girlfriend in tow. He liked her and mentioned it. By the end of the dinner she was the GF of the richer man. It lasted a year in which time she had been bought 2 houses and a pension of HKD5 mil a year. She is a well known person on the social scene and is the girlfriend of another very rich man. No one bats an eye at this.
A friend of ours is the mistress of a very rich man and has been for 15 yrs. His wife is very high profile and actually was on the telly at a big event the other night. Divorce is not an option due to face. She has 5 houses and big Merc and an allowance of HKD100k every month. She looks after her family very well and treats this as her duty to do as they are very poor countryside people. She put her younger sister through UNI and got her into HK where she has a good life and is now happily married. For her another duty she had to do. It is not an uncommon scenario.
Don't judge others by your own standards.
Hubby and I moved here from Australia 3 months ago and we're both loving it. I'm starting a part time work from home (lucky!) in a couple of weeks but I've been filling in my time by playing sports and touring around HK. There is so much to see and do. And there's plenty of shopping if you're interested in that.
I had never been overseas before coming here so I had no idea what to expect but so far I love it. Although it took me awhile to adjust to the Wan Chai smell when I was there for a month, and the pollution takes away from the views when its around.
And most people here are pretty friendly, that helps!
Nah!!! If it's as simple as this, that they give in to all the attention and temptation, the wife is better off seeing the reality and making her own choices
Boris: Yes I agree. With a lack of social welfare in many countries a good looking girl will know her looks may be the difference between poverty or security for her family and the family is the most important thing. However, the good looking girls have their pick of men and so while they will be on the hunt for a man to provide that security they can choose the one they like. This is the point that some people can not understand, that a husband could be selected on both money and love.
I think I am well qualified to answer tony001's initial post and I can honestly say that if your marriage is already in trouble before you come to HK then you have practically zero chance of saving the marriage in HK and could just make the situation worse, especially if there are young children involved.
I had the same dilemma coming to HK and it is a tough decision. My situation was even more bizarre in that I was married to a Filipina in the UK for 14 years who loathed and detested everything about HK and returned to the UK.
If your mind is made up to come to HK then my advice to you would be to come without your wife for 6 months (without making any decision to end your marriage) and try to preserve an amicable relationship with your wife. Come to a mutually acceptable arrangement over finances and see how you both feel in 6 months to 1 year and then you can make a final decision.
Chances are high that your marriage will end but trust me it will be easier this way than for you to bring your wife here and she hates every minute of it and you eventually split on bad terms.
Been there, done it. Still bear the scars.