Would you let your husband move 2 months ahead of family?

[monster2003]

I have been advised several times by female and male friends that they advise against this scenario. I am honestly starting to wonder, why everybody feels so serious about this - how aggressive are the local women in HK? What is the deal here? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[Satay Sue]

I know several people who've had to do this due to wanting tkids to finish the school term. Mr SS came up 3 weeks before us.
I do know a family who, due to the appalling waitlists for schools, left the husband here for 9 months while they went back home. They'd been here 5 years so no naïveté there, though a bit extreme!
I guess it boils down to you and your husbands relationship - not how "aggressive the local girls" are

[huja]

If your marriage can't survive your husband being in HK for 2 months on his own, it's doomed anyway. Perhaps the warnings from others is more of an indication of the strength their marriages than yours.

[jimbo]

If your husband will be earning a lot of $$$ and it shows then he'll be deemed a catch whether he's married or not.

Its all about trust as the others have said and HK is full of the MBA types, In this case MBA meaning Married But Available.

[Fiona in HKG]

Quite a few of the expatriates we hire here come ahead of the family (from a few weeks to a few months depending on personal circumstances) and in my experience this has been preferable as it gives the person time to settle into the job and the company without feeling torn between being with the family as they settle into their new life and being very engaged in the orientation process which for us can mean some travel in the first month.

As others have said, your husband will be a 'prospect' in the eyes of some women but if you trust him you'll both be OK. After all, his work may involve travel and then what happens, do you worry about what's going on then? Put your family first at this point and work through this together. As for all the warnings, take them with a pinch of salt if your marriage is solid.

[MsPoppins]

Why should your husband suddenly decide to cheat on you here? Do you worry that he is having an affair back home? I mean, where I'm originally from there are quite sad statistics of how many people cheat at the alcohol fueled Christmas office parties, and that's with the boring old coworkers they see everyday!
If you're solid and happy, why worry? And on the flip side, will he worry that you fling yourself on the neighbour's husband/postman while you're left alone for 1 months in your old hometown?

[AmyHubb]

My husband came to Hong Kong two months before my son and I. While here, he organised somewhere to live, sorted out bank accounts/phones/tv/internet. He arranged interviews with schools for when we arrived etc. It made the transition for my son a lot easier as we had somewhere to live as soon as we got off the plane! I have also returned home with the kids during the summer for 5 or 6 weeks and left him here.

If you do not have a strong marriage, or you have doubts about your husbands ability to keep his pants on while you are not around, then Hong Kong is not the right place to come to. There are many temptations for men here.

[Mat]

OP: my advise is CHANGE FRIENDS.


Seriously you know your husbamd. It's not like there will be hordes of chinese girls, half naked waiting for him at the exit of his office...

MOST of our expat comes ahead of family (usually a month or two) to clear everything (flat, school..) before the family moves. They are usually very busy at work and outside and have frankly very little time for a shag on the side.

Seriously, change friends.

[jimbo]

Moneyed western guys will get a lot more attention here than they will back home even if they did hit every branch of the ugly tree on the way down.

It's just the way it is in this town.

[randy1]

It's not like there will be hordes of chinese girls, half naked waiting for him at the exit of his office...

And "pop" goes the dream of thousands of overseas men reading this forum considering a move to HK.

OP - what I have found is there are indeed many local Chinese women in HK who want to seduce a foreign man. With some its just for the fun or experience of sleeping with a foreigner, with some its not so much sexual but just a desire to meet and hang out with a foreigner, and for some its that they know he is a good potential "catch". There are certainly quite a number of HK ladies who are curious or flirtatious, and compared to western women, they can appear quite cute, slim, and feminine, which a foreigner new to HK could find quite appealing or tempting.

And then there's also the men who experience Wan Chai for the first time and become infatuated with one of the Philippino whores who work in the bars there.

But really, it does take two to tango, and the reality is that if your husband wanted, he could be misbehaving where he lives now too, or on every business trip he takes.

I like Fiona's point about letting the man go ahead, to focus on work and getting an apartment etc, with the family moving a little later. For many reasons it makes a lot of sense, and what will you hopefully find is that after a few weeks in HK, rather than sleeping around, he will deperately be missing you and very much looking forward to you arriving.