My hubby is leaving today and I feel so heartbroken. This is the beginning of our move :(

[Satay Sue]

Jgl, good point.

[almightygoodgod]

too bad you aren't moving with a positive attitude... you could, instead of being sad, look at it as an adventure for the two of you...

negativity certainly won't help you settle in here...you'll just bring your misery with you, which won't be fun for anyone.

Jeez, the OP is just a little down, just looking for a few reassurances. It is a big scary move and living away from your partner in the run up to that can make it even scarier. Just because someone is a bit down and anxious doesn't mean they are being negative, it means they want someone to tell them everything is going to be okay and help them look forward to it.

I'm doing my second big move in the summer and I will be heading out there before my wife. It's only two weeks but I wish I could move at the same time as her, experience all the new things for the first time together. I know it will be hard on her even though it is only two weeks and it is not the first time we have moved to a new country. Nobody at home (that's where she will be) understands as they have never done it. It is hard for them to realise that even though it is a great opportunity and adventure it is still scary. Will we like it, will we make friends? Your head tells you to stop worrying and logic reassures you that yo will be fine, but it doesn't stop the fear that creeps in as you are lying in bed trying to go to sleep and you can't stop all of the 'what ifs' running through your head. Honestly, I suffer from it now, and I want this new move more than anything. It is natural to feel anxious when moving out of our comfort zone, otherwise it wouldn't be called a comfort zone. It is the ability to go through with it despite those anxieties that help us progress better ourselves.

As for spreading misery, weren't you the one that was moaning when your kids and husband were sick and it was oh so difficult to cope with only two helpers a while back? Perhaps you don't want us feeling for the OP as it will stop us having time feeling sorry for you and your first world problems? Personally I sympathised with your situation and felt some of the posts were a bit harsh on you, thought you might of remembered them when being so harsh on the OP though.

[jgl]

Hey Brit! I am in China.....a bit like HK back in the 60's when spitting, littering and smoking were all around you. HK seems to me to be very much on a par with the UK and the US......and to me much more preferable.

Chill out and turn on your sarcasm detector. DeletedUser was being... sarcastic. As he usually is here.

@almighty: you might want to take previous posting history into account here. Cara has a long history of being hugely sympathetic and helpful in her posts, and she was mature enough to recognise that her ranting thread was exactly that- an atypical rant caused by temporary circumstances. So she got sympathy (or was kindly ignored/left alone). Whereas the OP seems to have a much shorter history of, well, insecure hand-wringing, and as a result people are less prone to sympathy here.

[almightygoodgod]

Geo can be very useful for practical advice (usually mixed with banter, argument and sarcasm), but it really isn't the place for touchy-feely group hugs, would've thought the OP would have realised that after her previous post about the wisdom of letting a spouse come to Hong Kong first.

@the OP: if you're looking for sympathy, I'd seriously suggest Facebook or Myspace where people know you already. Just about everyone on Geo has been through the stress of international moves and separation from friends and family without being broken by it. As you can tell already, you're going to get some pretty unsympathetic responses here!

Now, if you want to know where to find American sized tubs of laundry detergent or good steak, Geo will be much more helpful.

I agree in principle with what you are saying, but if your friends on Facebook or myspace (is that even going anymore?) have not been through such a move it can be hard for them to understand and help you. None of my friends had so they found it difficult to say anything other than 'wow, what a great opportunity you are so lucky, what can possibly be the problem?' It's not that they didn't care, they just couldn't see past the excitement of it all as they never had to worry about any of the problems.

A friends of mine moved to Malaysia a year ago and he was spoke to me at length on numerous occasions before he came out regarding his worries and anxieties and I like to think I made it a lot easier for him, I was quite honest about the problems he would face and quite brutal about how he might hate it for the first few months but he should stick it out for a while to give it a chance. He loves it there now.

Hopefully the OP does have somebody she can talk to on Facebook about it who does understand.

[jimbo]

Chill out and turn on your sarcasm detector. DeletedUser was being... sarcastic. As he usually is here.

Theres a fine line between being sarcastic and being a cock and sadly he treads between the two like a drunk trying to pass a sobriety test in the u.s

[jgl]

@almighty: Well, any mature adult should be able to figure out a suitable place to go for sympathy. From the previous post about letting her husband move to a foreign country first, it should have been obvious that this is not the place to go for unconditional acceptance and reassurance.

Whilst I think that sometimes Geo is a bit too cliquey and quick to criticise, I also think that this is far preferable to this website being a group hug-fest. In fact, I can't think of any fora that are hug-fests.

Hmm... if you want to see a some fora that are really argumentative without the redeeming features of being practical and useful, you should check out the other main expat forum for HK.

Overall, the entire internet is not a place to go to for sympathy. We're mostly strangers here, impersonally sitting behind the anonymity of our keyboards. When I suggested Facebook or Myspace, I was half joking (especially Myspace- which might not even exist, and if it does, is the domain of emo teenagers). Relationship angst is best sorted out with your spouse, or with close friends. Not the entire world.

[almightygoodgod]

@jgl: Too quick to criticise, that is an understatement. If people don't want to give sympathy that is fine, but why do people come on here and post at all if all they are going to do is have a go at the poor woman? It seem silly that people don't have the time or the motivation to help somebody but they do have the time and motivation to belittle their worries and troubles.

[Char Siu King]

why do people come on here and post at all if all they are going to do is have a go at the poor woman? .

Because we have nothing better to do?

[Satay Sue]

Have to agree with that, agg.

[carang]

OMG, folks! i was NOT being nasty in the least. i have reread my post about 10x after seeing the feedback it has generated.

i DO have sympathy for the OP, BUT sympathy is NOT going to make moving any easier for her! it's only going to make moving more difficult. if she wants sympathy, as someone else suggested, facebook and her friends are where to get it from. come on geoexpat to ask questions for practical advice on how to deal with it.

we have ALL been there, done that (moved overseas). we know how it feels.

if you move with a positive attitude, life will be easier here.... do you all disagree with that??? seriously?

ps> having a positive attitude while my entire family was sick? yes, i came on here and moaned about it. it wasn't fun. but i knew it would be all over soon. i also knew we were lucky. my son could have needed an operation to insert pins into his foot. thankfully, he didn't.... that doesn't mean i wasn't exhausted from dealing with them all AND running 2 businesses!