Should I really move back to HK? It's so lonely, no?

Tamsin89 · 19-10-2016, 12:48 AM

Hi, so not sure whether I'll get any replies but I need to put this out there to the expat community!

I'm 26, female, single, from London and am considering moving back to HK.

I moved to HK mid-2015 with a view to stay for at least 2 years. I was classic expat - living on Robinson Rd, working in Central and loving it. But my company shut down operations and I decided to come back to London in Spring this year. Fast forward to now, and I may be offered a job again in HK. The job is amazing, firm is amazing, but I am SO worried about coming back to the hedonistic world that is the HK expat community...

I think HK is an easy place to be independent. But its also an extremely lonely place too. And you fill the lonely hours with drinking with people you barely know in Soho. Making friends is easy enough, but people come and go so often that you cant get too attached, even when you really want to.

If you have a significant other, then at least you are not alone. But I am single! My big fear is that now I'm edging towards my late-20s, I want to think more about the future - marriage/kids etc. BUT, HK is so not the place to maintain a relationship, let alone start one from scratch! I think single guys in their 20s/30s have a lot of fun, but for women its a different story. (In fact, most of my single female expat friends I made during my time in HK are starting to leave too.)

Anyone out there have thoughts on these - the friend situation or the dilemma of being single?

jimbo · 19-10-2016, 01:28 AM

You're still young with no ties.
Go out and do it and have fun for a few years and travel and save.

Being in a relationship isn't the be all and end all in life.

HK is easy to make friends as there's always a lot of people in the same situation as you, however it can be transient so people do come and go all the time.

rickyross · 19-10-2016, 02:30 AM

I think it's very unfair you've labeled the entire HK expat community as hedonistic - while some would fit the description, a lot of expats are simply interested in settling down with their families and leading a normal life. It might have something to do with your age and the people you work with, but the argument that hedonism in the community is preventing you from moving back doesn't hold water. Judging by the way you've worded it, it sounds like YOU have a problem with hedonism and you've blamed the community for it.

I find that the community can be quite supportive and friendly, but only if you are yourself.

Join an expat hiking group, do some volunteer work, or meet other people who share the same hobbies as you do through meetup.com or start a thread here if you want to get away from the Central crowd.

As far as being single goes, you'll just have to learn to be independent. You might find a partner here or you might not, but that depends on you and not Hong Kong.

Tamsin89 · 19-10-2016, 03:27 AM

I am myself! I'm quite typical of the people that I've met in HK. We like to have fun, and can be easily persuaded into the expat lifestyle I described because it is just that - fun.

There was this really good blog a few months ago about being a single 20something western woman in China. Its was 100% on point. I'l try and find it for you to take a look at.....

huja · 19-10-2016, 04:26 AM

Originally Posted by Tamsin89:

. . . but I am SO worried about coming back to the hedonistic world that is the HK expat community...

I think HK is an easy place to be independent . . . also an extremely lonely place too. And you fill the lonely hours with drinking with people you barely know in Soho. Making friends is easy enough, but people come and go so often that you cant get too attached, even when you really want to.
. . . My big fear is that now I'm edging towards my late-20s, I want to think more about the future - marriage/kids etc. BUT, HK is so not the place to maintain a relationship, let alone start one from scratch!

It sounds like you need to assess yourself, more so than HKG. Are you a completely different person in the UK? Are you easily persuaded to "go with the flow" only in HKG? Do your fears and concerns about loneliness, being single, etc. only exist in HKG? Do they currently exist in the UK? Would they exist if you moved to a different outpost like NY or S'pore? And for the record, I agree that you can't paint the entire expat community as hedonistic. From your post you mentioned only Midlevels and Central. You ever wander out of the bubble?

Here's some appropriate background music to listen to while contemplating these questions . . .

https://youtu.be/xMaE6toi4mk

emx · 19-10-2016, 05:56 AM

People tend to move here for the money, not the weather.

So come to work and save, skip the high flying lifestyle and live lean for a few years while you save for a family elsewhere later.

imparanoic · 19-10-2016, 07:39 AM

Maybe you need to soul search and discover yourself

You state life in Hk lonely and boring, have you discovered real Hong Kong, do you to Kowloon often and have you ever been to new territories

If you have only known the party lifestyle of lan kwai fong then I understand why you feel this, but if you explore other aspects of Hong Kong life,

Also what type of people do you normally hang out with

Char Siu King · 19-10-2016, 08:13 AM

Originally Posted by Tamsin89:

Hi, so not sure whether I'll get any replies but I need to put this out there to the expat community!

I'm 26, female, single, from London and am considering moving back to HK.

I moved to HK mid-2015 with a view to stay for at least 2 years. I was classic expat - living on Robinson Rd, working in Central and loving it. But my company shut down operations and I decided to come back to London in Spring this year. Fast forward to now, and I may be offered a job again in HK. The job is amazing, firm is amazing, but I am SO worried about coming back to the hedonistic world that is the HK expat community...

I think HK is an easy place to be independent. But its also an extremely lonely place too. And you fill the lonely hours with drinking with people you barely know in Soho. Making friends is easy enough, but people come and go so often that you cant get too attached, even when you really want to.

If you have a significant other, then at least you are not alone. But I am single!

My big fear is that now I'm edging towards my late-20s, I want to think more about the future - marriage/kids etc. BUT, HK is so not the place to maintain a relationship, let alone start one from scratch! I think single guys in their 20s/30s have a lot of fun, but for women its a different story. (In fact, most of my single female expat friends I made during my time in HK are starting to leave too.)

Anyone out there have thoughts on these - the friend situation or the dilemma of being single?

Great post. You're right. Drinking is Soho with people you barely know sounds very familiar.

Do what's in your heart. Obvious advice, I know.

DirtyHairy · 19-10-2016, 08:21 AM

Originally Posted by Tamsin89:

I'm quite typical of the people that I've met in HK.

I've lived in Hong Kong for 7+ years and I've been to LKF exactly once and that was 10 years ago!

I go to Hong Kong Island, on average, once per month and that's only because I'm a member of a club there...

Am I a typical HKer? I doubt it...but I'm typical of the people that I meet!

Most of the people I know, aside from work, I met through my club, mountain biking or rugby...

I'm a lot older than you and I hope you'll forgive me for saying this, if all you have in common with your friends is drinking and partying, yes, it will get very lonely, very quickly...

HK_Katherine · 19-10-2016, 09:12 AM

I don't recognise the HK you write about. I'm older than you and married, so instead of thinking about me, I thought about two of my staff members who are both young and single (male). They don't live the life you write about either! Perhaps I just don't pay them enough to go drinking every night. Or perhaps I work them too hard so they don't have time. Or perhaps its just because they are not bankers who live on HK island!

My point is that there is another HK out there - in fact there are many - and the "banker/LKF/bar scene" is only one of them. Those kind of expats certainly turn over fast and I can't see meaningful friendship developing over a bar (although one of my best friends met his wife in a bar, so I guess it does happen!).

If you want to meet normal people and make real friendships, do normal things! Join groups that are not about drinking - there are a huge number of hiking groups in HK for example. There are meet up groups for all kinds of activities. GET OFF HK ISLAND! Go and find the rest of HK. Meet some teachers. Volunteer. If you are a real person you will have a real life. If you are a social butterfly then you'll be treated like one.