Hello there, producers of tomorrow! Try this easy, simple recipe that's a small amount of fun for all the family! You'll need:
1 prepubescent girl - We find that cute ones work best: no more than 100lb of flesh at most.
1 complete marketing plan - advertising, ruthless promotion, the works. (See our "Super Summer Swindles" section for the full recipe.)
3 hours in a recording studio1 vocoder or other voice-altering equipment1 phenomenal sound technician 1 album or more of someone else's songs. Hidden cameras, to taste(-lessness)
• Take your prepubescent girl (two if they’re in season), and heavily dust her eyes with equal parts dreams of stardom, delusions of grandeur and glitter. Baste in layers of makeup (this artificially ages your starlet for public consumption).
• Next, you’ll need to allow her star to rise, like a fine soufflé. If you added enough yes-men to the batter, then her ego will inflate at the same time.
• Next, be sure to scramble her brains with a whisk: you want your starlet light and airy.
• Top with a flowing bouffant 'do, like a fine meringue.
• Dressing is very important: a good general rule of thumb is as little dressing as possible.
• Season with countless product endorsements.
• Bake in media spotlight, while marinating in juices of own making.
• You’ll now need to find a notable male celebrity to give her that little poke needed to check if she’s entirely ready.
• By this point, two sweet, sugary mounds will have formed. Gently singe with hidden cameras in a blaze of publicity.
• Stoke outrage. This will allow her to develop a hardened shell, while keeping the insides still warm and fuzzy. After this process, she will be ready to take on anyone who wants a piece.
• Your Cantopop star is complete; she is now as delicious as Faye Wong.Serves millions.
Warning: Do not leave in sunshine or public scrutiny too long; your product will melt.
hk magazine page three 1/9/06