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Dear Stay-at-Home Wife ....

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  1. #1

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    Dear Stay-at-Home Wife ....

    A letter that many husbands have been tempted to write to their wives who stay at home.

    Perhaps more applicable to many expats in HK who are without packages and often need dual incomes to keep their noses above the water. Not as applicable to those with packages, but worth reading, as you never know what happens when you get sent back home and do not have your allowances, helpers and bonuses to match...

    What does happen when people return back home and are faced with the loss of their expat allowances and low cost help?

    Also to his credit the author does acknowledge that the wife's job of raising the kids is equally important, but just needs a helping hand financially.

    I’ve climbed the professional ladder reasonably well. We have the trappings of middle-class success – a nice house in a safe, quiet neighborhood; annual holidays; happy, healthy children; money saved for their college years. But it has come at enormous personal cost to me. My stress level has increased dramatically with added responsibilities at work and my health has deteriorated. People who haven’t seen me for years flinch when we meet again and I’ve attended more than one event at which I have overheard someone remarking on how much I’ve aged.


    I don’t think I can do this for another 25 years. I often dream of leaving my firm for a less demanding position, with you making up any financial deficit with a job – even a modest one – of your own. I’ve asked, and sometimes pleaded, for years with you to get a job, any job. Many of my free hours are spent helping with the house and the kids, and I recognise that traditional gender roles are often oppressive, but that cuts both ways. I would feel less used and alone if you pitched in financially, even a little.
    https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...yself-to-death

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by shri:

    What does happen when people return back home and are faced with the loss of their expat allowances and low cost help?
    My wife became one of those immigrants who move to the UK and take a British person's job

    Actually she sent off 16 cold call letters one weekend and got four immediate job offers.
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  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by hullexile:
    My wife became one of those immigrants who move to the UK and take a British person's job

    Actually she sent off 16 cold call letters one weekend and got four immediate job offers.
    How on earth does that happen? It's a far cry from the usual stories one comes across.

  4. #4

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    Realism about earnings potential matters. This guy seems to have married a fellow lawyer with the expectation she would work a similar job to him. Different if a man on a fat expat package has married a woman with no degree or one who had a low-paying job when they met. In that case desire for the wife to work might more be about a feeling of "fairness" so that the husband isn't hustling while the wife plays tennis, at least if she has something to do then it doesn't sting as much for the main breadwinner.

    I did see a funny comment on another website discussing this - that the wife looked "radiant in a sea of dour, nervous faces" because she was in law school to pull a man not to start a career

    shri and HK_Katherine like this.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by jgl:
    How on earth does that happen? It's a far cry from the usual stories one comes across.
    Nobody wants a minimum wage job just these bloody immigrants. She loved it.
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  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by jgl:
    How on earth does that happen? It's a far cry from the usual stories one comes across.
    Well drafted letter?
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  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by HK_Katherine:
    Well drafted letter?
    Having seen a lot of cover letters, yeah, that could well be the case
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  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by shri:
    A letter that many husbands have been tempted to write to their wives who stay at home.

    Perhaps more applicable to many expats in HK who are without packages and often need dual incomes to keep their noses above the water. Not as applicable to those with packages, but worth reading, as you never know what happens when you get sent back home and do not have your allowances, helpers and bonuses to match...

    What does happen when people return back home and are faced with the loss of their expat allowances and low cost help?

    Also to his credit the author does acknowledge that the wife's job of raising the kids is equally important, but just needs a helping hand financially.



    https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...yself-to-death
    As the working wife with non working husband I don't feel this way. If I did I would just stop paying for stuff. Why would someone stay married if they feel exploited? It's bizarre.
    civil_servant likes this.

  9. #9

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    That link got me to reading other 'letters' on The Guardian.

    I suspect someone on the staff is just making this stuff up.

    https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...aid-to-be-with

    shri and babyrose9 like this.

  10. #10

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    Original Post Deleted
    I didn't read the letter, but from the quotes in the first post these were my exact thoughts. Reminds me of another complainy pants article I read a while back in The Atlantic.

    Many Middle-Class Americans Are Living Paycheck to Paycheck - The Atlantic

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