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  1. #1

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    Friday

    Billy's Dancing Dad

    Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

    My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let him sleep with him."

    The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true. "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."

  2. #2

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    ...maybe substitute "cricket" for "football" in a few weeks, mate...anyway, a good start to the weekend...cheers...


  3. #3

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    Good one buddy but it seems Billy can be proud for his father's profession as the English team won the world title for the 20-20 world cup.... Neways enjoyed the joke.... good one to kick off the weekend


  4. #4

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    Ah, crap how did this end up here?! Sorry mods, wouldn't mind if this were moved to Anti-Productivity, which is where this thread belongs.


  5. #5

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    It's that time of week when you can put your Israel's and Palestine's and syedagha's aside because none of that matters after a few beers:

    A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack - Churchill Downs - to learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

    The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

    Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the boys up one by one so they could reach the urinals.

    As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."

    "No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh."

    Have a rocking weekend folks!

    Checking out, so see y'all Mundee!

    Last edited by Dreadnought; 04-06-2010 at 06:23 PM.
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  6. #6

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    Thats a good start to weekend, I was having a crappy day but these jokes has change it
    Posted via Mobile Device


  7. #7

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    Men Bashing

    Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
    A: Shoot him again.

    Q: How can you tell if a man is well-hung?
    A: When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

    Q: Why do little boys whine?
    A: Because they are practicing to be men.

    Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him, or three - one to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
    A: Trustworthy.

    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

    Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
    A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

    Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
    A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

    Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
    A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

    Q: What is the difference between men and women...?
    A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

    Q: How does a man keep his youth?
    A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

    Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
    A: Rename the folder to "Instructions Manuals."

    Ladies, all my male friends have abandoned me for this evening, so my drinks are on you!

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  8. #8

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    THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.

    A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive
    cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things.

    Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars

    and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the
    policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.

    In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of
    small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious

    reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

    The lawyer sued... And WON!

    (Stay with me.)

    In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company
    that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the

    lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that
    the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them
    against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable

    fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

    Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
    company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss
    of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."


    NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

    After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
    arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

    With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being

    used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his
    insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.


  9. #9

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    Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

    "This is the fat pig I have to shag when you're not up for it."

    His wife replies, "I think you will find that's a sheep."

    Man says "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."


  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by gunsnroses:
    THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.
    It's also very made up:
    Lawyer Commits Insurance Fraud With Box of Cigars? - BreakTheChain.org
    Up in Smoke! (The Cigar Arsonist) - Urban Legends

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