Ani Ashekian - Have you seen this woman? (Missing person)

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  1. #101

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    I'm not sure the stepfather was able to move on as his marriage collapsed and for 18 years he was under suspicion of having done something to his little girl


  2. #102

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    I have to agree with the sentiment that PDLM has placed in his posts even if I think that it was done overly bluntly.

    In a situation like this we have two likely possibilities 1. She is dead (by fair means or foul) 2. She doesn't want anything to do with her old life for some reason.

    In this situation you have to think that she would not want you to spend all you time looking for her and mess up the rest of your life. She would want you to move on from her and live a full and happy life and not waste it on looking for her when she is not going to be found or does not want to be found.

    There is a third and comparatively unlikely option that she is alive and being held somewhere against her will. In which case you are in no position to be able to do anything to help, and it is up to the authorities to find her. In that case you still have to try and move on as best you can. However the scarcity of this scenario in comparison to the other two means that you would still have to assume the worst scenario (death) and try and get on with your life anyway.

    A final note to say that "moving on" does not mean forgetting about someone or not caring about them anymore. It is coming to the realisation that if she loved you she would want you to be happy and the only way to be happy is to try and go back to a normal life rather than being in a limbo state.

    You will always carry a piece of them with you wherever you go but you will try and be happy in the rest of your life, because you know that ultimately that is what they would want.


  3. #103

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    Thanks for expanding on that HKonelegger. And to the person who red-blobbed me with the comment "How would you feel if it were your wife that went missing!" then my response would be the same, as expanded by the post above from HKonelegger.


  4. #104

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    Actually the term used, Stepfather, says more about "moving on" than anything. He was the only person who, at the time the story was published, had made any comments. We have not heard from the mother or the natural father. It can be a little easier to move on when it is not your own flesh and blood.

    HKonelegger - let me expand a little on what you have written, but from the perspective as a father who loves, cherishes, would kill and die for his own children.

    1. She is dead. No family member will believe that until she is found. If this is the case and she is found then only then can the grieving process begin.

    2. She wants nothing to do with her old life. See No.1. No-one knows and again no grieving can take place until they do. An extremely selfish act if this is the case.

    3. See 1 again. You simply don't know.

    You are applying logic. Logic does not apply within the loving family. Hope overrides logic and always will. If you lose that hope then to many you would have lost life and moving on would only be an action that can be achieved 6 foot under.

    Can you honestly look at your kids and say to yourself that you'd give up on any of them if you found yourself in the same situation?


  5. #105

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    Quote Originally Posted by jaykay:
    You are applying logic. Logic does not apply within the loving family. Hope overrides logic and always will.
    That may be the case for you (in which case you have my sympathy) but it clearly isn't the case for everyone.

    The extrapolation of your argument is what leads to organized religion, which is the ultimate expression of hope overriding logic, and this, in my view, is clearly a Bad Thing (and I suspect the families of the soldiers dying in the fight against organised religion in Afghanistan might agree).

  6. #106

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    Quote Originally Posted by jaykay:
    Actually the term used, Stepfather, says more about "moving on" than anything. He was the only person who, at the time the story was published, had made any comments. We have not heard from the mother or the natural father. It can be a little easier to move on when it is not your own flesh and blood.

    HKonelegger - let me expand a little on what you have written, but from the perspective as a father who loves, cherishes, would kill and die for his own children.

    1. She is dead. No family member will believe that until she is found. If this is the case and she is found then only then can the grieving process begin.

    2. She wants nothing to do with her old life. See No.1. No-one knows and again no grieving can take place until they do. An extremely selfish act if this is the case.

    3. See 1 again. You simply don't know.

    You are applying logic. Logic does not apply within the loving family. Hope overrides logic and always will. If you lose that hope then to many you would have lost life and moving on would only be an action that can be achieved 6 foot under.

    Can you honestly look at your kids and say to yourself that you'd give up on any of them if you found yourself in the same situation?
    I wasn't saying that my points should be or even could be right for everyone.

    We are all here speaking in most cases (I hope) hypothetically and none of us can know what we would do or how we would react in the same situation.

    I think what I am a trying to say is that in extreme situations I try to rationalise things out and think about the possibilities and the odds of something like that happening. That is my personal way of seeing the situation.

    I was not saying to give up hope but act under the principle of assuming the worst and praying for the best. Like I said it is not about moving on and losing them but trying to the most you can of your life despite the difficult circumstances.

    This is not a situation where hope is lost, but an acceptance of the fact that you may cause the effective end of another life (your own) by going on like this.

    p.s. just saw PDLM's post which is not something I would agree with and seems to me stretching the point too far. I am a devout atheist myself but I can still hope for things based on actual facts.

  7. #107

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    I'm all in favour of hope based on actual facts. What I'm against is hoping for things which have no support from actual facts or which are completely contradicted by facts (as in the case of most organized religion).


  8. #108

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    Quote Originally Posted by PDLM:
    The extrapolation of your argument is what leads to organized religion, which is the ultimate expression of hope overriding logic, and this, in my view, is clearly a Bad Thing (and I suspect the families of the soldiers dying in the fight against organised religion in Afghanistan might agree).
    I disagree entirely. Until you have seen the birth of your own offspring and spent those years nurturing, teaching, protecting and loving you can have no idea whatsoever. Becoming a parent changes your view of the world completely and if you lose something that means so much and you have no idea what has happened then of course hope would override everything. To even compare parental love with organised religion is pretty much way off base.

    And as for Afghanistan I agree, the coverage of the death of Paul McAleese, a member of my former battalion (albeit called the Greenjackets back then) brings that into focus. At least those parents know what has happened to their children and are able to grieve as horrible as that must be in losing a child.

  9. #109

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    Most of us post in ignorance much of the time and do not let it stop us, but I must say PDLM whenever you post on children you do come across as lacking any knowledge - I'm thinking of your post on bringing a child into the world knowing you are going to give them baby milk is child abuse, children who can walk do not need to be carried, etc. etc. It might be better if you accepted this was an area outside your scope and left alone (more logical and rational surely?).


  10. #110

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    But I'm not lacking any knowledge - I have a daughter. I spent a fair bit of time with her when she was younger. There's a fund building up to pay for her college education. More recently we visited her grandmother's grave together (because unfortunately she couldn't get over to the funeral). And so on.

    The fact that I have made different decisions about my involvement in her life than you might have done in the same situation doesn't mean I'm ignorant - it means I reached a different decision, that's all. But my decision does prove that, for some people at least, it is possible to "move on". You might not be able to. The majority of people might not be able to. But that doesn't mean it isn't possible and desirable for some people.


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