- When you think fish in restaurant display tanks look delicious as opposed to beaten and suffering in misery
- When you stab people in the eyeballs with your umbrella without a care in the world
- When you clean cutlery or plates in restaurants like a murderer trying to remove fingerprints from the scene of a crime
- When you cover your mouth in shame with one hand while the other digs food out of your rotten teeth with a toothpick
- When you admit to being afraid of black people
- When you realize you are consumed with hate for mainlanders and jealousy of westerners
- When you can feel your mind closing in on itself tighter and tighter every day
- When you think severed fish heads look like just the ticket for dinner
- When you think you work hard play hard
- When nature frightens you
- When you wear snow jackets in the middle of summer
- When you yell as loud as you can on the phone everywhere and anywhere
- When you start wearing your stressful life circumstances and the stress of the city as a badge of honour
- When you line up for an hour to throw a ball through a hoop to win a promotional sized packet of chips
- When you become completely oblivious
- When you love Manchester United but couldn't say what sport they played
- When you charge people to come to your wedding
- When you think Maxims cakes taste delicious
- When you clap your hands, jump up and down and can't control your excitement at the sight of a bowl of soup
- When you drink your beer through a straw