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Re-evaluating EVERYTHING!!! #coronavirus

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  1. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by traineeinvestor:

    4. building and maintaining social contacts gets harder once you leave the workforce

    5. there are plenty of studies which show that people's health often deteriorates when they retire (for some reason men seem to be more prone to problems in this area than women). One theory is that even stressful and/or boring-as-hell jobs provide mental and physical stimulation and losing that triggers the decline. On this point, it's inescapable that some things get a lot harder as we age - plans to beat myself into shape to do another Trailwalker have been derailed by a succession of injuries and other medical issues
    Yeah, these two issues can be true but at the same time they don't have to be insurmontable problems. Social interaction extends beyond the workplace. At work, your relations with employees, colleagues, clients and bosses are all conditional, as in dependent on performance-driven results. You may not always get to be "yourself" at work. But outside of work, your social interaction and relations aren't so conditional on delivering results, you may simply enjoy the company of friends for example, with no expectation of any benefit besides the joy of doing something with your friends. The key is maintaining a network of good family and friend relations outside of work. Not always easy that is true, but it is necessary to maintain the mental well-being as one enters old age in retirement.

    And speaking of mental health, the second point on mental decline after retirement can be forestall with exercise and yes, keeping your mind occupied instead of idling the days away doing nothing. Yes, as you age, you may no longer do the long distance running or swimming you can do in your youth. But exercise does not have to be streneous and intense, a quiet morning walk of sufficient duration each day may be adequate. Likewise, keeping your mind occupied can be something enjoyable, like doing a hobby you have a passion for, or if you have the time and money, go on a long holiday to explore fascinating destinations and learn more about the world. After all, learning is a life long thing, it doesn't end upon graduation from school or retirement from work. Maintaining that desire to learn new things will keep your mind active and slow the decline.
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  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Coolboy:
    Yeah, these two issues can be true but at the same time they don't have to be insurmontable problems. Social interaction extends beyond the workplace. At work, your relations with employees, colleagues, clients and bosses are all conditional, as in dependent on performance-driven results. You may not always get to be "yourself" at work. But outside of work, your social interaction and relations aren't so conditional on delivering results, you may simply enjoy the company of friends for example, with no expectation of any benefit besides the joy of doing something with your friends. The key is maintaining a network of good family and friend relations outside of work. Not always easy that is true, but it is necessary to maintain the mental well-being as one enters old age in retirement.

    And speaking of mental health, the second point on mental decline after retirement can be forestall with exercise and yes, keeping your mind occupied instead of idling the days away doing nothing. Yes, as you age, you may no longer do the long distance running or swimming you can do in your youth. But exercise does not have to be streneous and intense, a quiet morning walk of sufficient duration each day may be adequate. Likewise, keeping your mind occupied can be something enjoyable, like doing a hobby you have a passion for, or if you have the time and money, go on a long holiday to explore fascinating destinations and learn more about the world. After all, learning is a life long thing, it doesn't end upon graduation from school or retirement from work. Maintaining that desire to learn new things will keep your mind active and slow the decline.
    + 1

    “Perhaps a man really dies when his brain stops, when he loses the power to take in a new idea.” - George Orwell


  3. #23

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    Quote Originally Posted by ByeByeEngland:

    The happiest people I’ve met are usually those with the least money and they will quite happily share what little they have. Some of my happiest memories are being welcomed with open arms by such people.
    This exactly, I'm always amazed at how much fun the filipino have despite having a demanding job and not seeing their family much. This applies to most of South East Asia too.

    I think when people get stuck in the work hard wheel they realize it doesn't give them much or make them happy.

    People here are relatively miserable but I remember the face people made in the Tube in London on the way to work. I think the nice weather helps a bit in HK.

    I remember reading most depressions comes from the feeling of lack of control over your life. That's why it's important to keep learning, doing new things and meeting new people. Otherwise it's really easy to get stuck, especially bad when you can buy booze 24/7!
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  4. #24

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    Another perspective on this. My work retirement was at 65, state retirement at 66. I took early retirement at 58, not young but 7 or 8 years early.

    I have spent the last four years spending many hours every day with my kids. You can't put a value on that. In turns out this is probably my last year, what if I had not taken early retirement? Would my kids have preferred the time with me or the money? Would I have preferred the time with them or the money?

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  5. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coolboy:
    But outside of work, your social interaction and relations aren't so conditional on delivering results, you may simply enjoy the company of friends for example, with no expectation of any benefit besides the joy of doing something with your friends. The key is maintaining a network of good family and friend relations outside of work. Not always easy that is true, but it is necessary to maintain the mental well-being as one enters old age in retirement.
    Lets just stop and spare a thought for those who just aren't into people, who find the current emphasis of having and maintaining a circle of friends difficult or tedious. People for whom the negative societal pressure when one is friendless contribute to mental health issues rather than cure them. You can be alone without being lonely or mentally unwell. Couples can find their partner to be the only friend they need, or their family. There are people without family who have good mental well being.

    Personally, I find most people tedious & small talk a waste of time. My wellbeing is enhanced by using that time to experience, create and learn. I wish I had accepted that a lot earlier in life and ignored the herd view that having friends is somehow a superior state.

    I wish that for those with lifelong conditions such as autism that make social interaction difficult and stressful, positive views around experiences that do not include friendship interactions are fostered.

    So less of the 'necessary', more of the 'do what you need to do' to feel something approaching contentment with your life.

    And on the plus side of not being that into people, as one of my daughters said in a family messenger chat "It’s a good thing everyone in our family has an aversion to other people. It’s like we’ve been training our whole lives to avoid infectious diseases".

  6. #26

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    Quote Originally Posted by kimwy66:
    Lets just stop and spare a thought for those who just aren't into people, who find the current emphasis of having and maintaining a circle of friends difficult or tedious. People for whom the negative societal pressure when one is friendless contribute to mental health issues rather than cure them. You can be alone without being lonely or mentally unwell. Couples can find their partner to be the only friend they need, or their family. There are people without family who have good mental well being.

    Personally, I find most people tedious & small talk a waste of time. My wellbeing is enhanced by using that time to experience, create and learn. I wish I had accepted that a lot earlier in life and ignored the herd view that having friends is somehow a superior state.

    I wish that for those with lifelong conditions such as autism that make social interaction difficult and stressful, positive views around experiences that do not include friendship interactions are fostered.

    So less of the 'necessary', more of the 'do what you need to do' to feel something approaching contentment with your life.

    And on the plus side of not being that into people, as one of my daughters said in a family messenger chat "It’s a good thing everyone in our family has an aversion to other people. It’s like we’ve been training our whole lives to avoid infectious diseases".
    Yes you are right, not everyone is into a lot of socializing. Introverts for example, are rather more selective of who they want to be around with and prefer more personal time than extroverts. That being said, while some may find socializing tedious, no man is an island, most of us do need some social connection with other people to some extent to maintain a well-balanced mind (I said some interaction, not a lot. ).

    The key I think is to distinguish solitude from loneliness. Soltitude is a preference and conscious choice for someone to be by themselves for a while. To contemplate, reflect or meditate on various aspect of their life thus far. We all need that every now and then, even for extroverts. Loneliness by contrast is an involuntary state where one find themselves being by themselves and not finding this desirable or pleasant. This latter category is a problem, for some people who have mental problems, like attention deficit, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety and so on, they may not enjoy being alone, but because of their mental condition, they find getting along with others difficult and stressful.

    Its not that societal pressure caused them to have this illness, it's that they want better social interaction, but because of their condition, they can't. Those are people who need socializing most. There needs to be people who are willing to interact with them in a non-stressful and non-judgemental context.
    Last edited by Coolboy; 22-02-2020 at 11:40 AM.
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  7. #27

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coolboy:
    Yes you are right, not everyone is into a lot of socializing. Introverts for example, are rather more selective of who they want to be around with and prefer more personal time than extroverts. That being said, while some may find socializing tedious, no man is an island, most of us do need some social connection with other people to some extent to maintain a well-balanced mind (I said some interaction, not a lot. ).
    Again, I disagree, especially on labelling people who don't need friends as introverts which is typically seen as a negative trait. My 29 yr old daughter I quoted above is what I would call an extrovert. You would be aware of her in a room, she just won't stick around for coffee to hear what you did last summer or your views on Trump.

    It's true that no man is an island, but you can get what you need by interacting on a very superficial level.

    In a study of 4,382 typically developed adults, Demir and Davidson (2013) found that friendships are deemed important for happiness—but even more important are having basic needs met and feeling competent that one could meet their own needs. “Basic need satisfaction” and “competence satisfaction” are much more important for determining happiness than are number of friends or even quality of friendships. People tend to be happier if they feel they are competent in doing what they need to do and that they are successfully meeting their basic needs. Helping individuals find a path to feeling this way—regardless of whether they meet others' criteria for a “successful” social life—can be one very effective way of helping them feel less lonely and more positive about themselves and their lives.
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...t-need-friends

  8. #28

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    Quote Originally Posted by kimwy66:
    Again, I disagree, especially on labelling people who don't need friends as introverts which is typically seen as a negative trait. My 29 yr old daughter I quoted above is what I would call an extrovert. You would be aware of her in a room, she just won't stick around for coffee to hear what you did last summer or your views on Trump.

    It's true that no man is an island, but you can get what you need by interacting on a very superficial level.



    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...t-need-friends
    No. You are confused about the definition of introverts. I did not say introverts is a negative trait. It is a normal part of the spectrum of human personality traits. But that does not mean introvert need no friends. They prefer to be rather more selective who they want to share their time with. As for not needing any friends at all, that only applies to a relatively small minority, a subset of introverts.

  9. #29

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    I see a lot of retirees, or people that look like they should retire (i.e. have aged badly), do not have good relationships with their family. "Retiring" simply means being henpecked all day and losing their status as an ATM. The wife and kids will usually lose respect for the "man of the house". No one wants to talk about this, but this is the main reason why a lot of people do not want to retire.

    For the general case, it is because they want to avoid seeing their spouse and family AND/ OR they are having a relationship with someone outside and going to work is a very very convenient option.

    It is better to live life with your head in the sand, since no one teaches kids about real life LOL


  10. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by DimSumBond:
    I see a lot of retirees, or people that look like they should retire (i.e. have aged badly), do not have good relationships with their family. "Retiring" simply means being henpecked all day and losing their status as an ATM. The wife and kids will usually lose respect for the "man of the house". No one wants to talk about this, but this is the main reason why a lot of people do not want to retire.

    For the general case, it is because they want to avoid seeing their spouse and family AND/ OR they are having a relationship with someone outside and going to work is a very very convenient option.

    It is better to live life with your head in the sand, since no one teaches kids about real life LOL
    Well that is the total opposite of my case and my dad's and my brother's and my friends.
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